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Promiscuity.

5 Apr

I keep hearing this song by Ani Difranco on the radio and have been wanting to say something profound about it. We’ll see how this goes.

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Talking about a Little Pillow Talk

26 Mar

A study done not too long ago concluded that falling asleep immediately after sex, or rather one partner falling asleep immediately after sex, can serve to avoid conversation about commitment.  Apparently when a study participant reported that their partner consistently fell asleep after sex before they did, that same study participant expressed a higher desire for bonding and affection than did other participants whose partners did not consistently fall asleep first.  The conclusion reached based on this information was that falling asleep quickly after sex could indicate an unconscious desire to avoid talking about commitment, or commitment itself.

After deciding this study is not all that interesting for a variety of reasons (couldn’t it be that one partner has a more physical job and is therefore consistently more tired? or that the participants in this study tended to be 20-year-old college students? And doesn’t it seem like there would be far more important tells that your partner is avoiding commitment than how quickly s/he falls asleep after sex?), I shifted to thinking about pre- and post-coital habits.  The pillow-talk I share with MM is admittedly rather odd, as it includes such topics as the future prospects for gender equity in the Mormon church, the likelihood that a new business in our neighborhood will succeed or fail and what that has to do with the cultural attitudes of our city’s residents, and the problems of gendered toy marketing.  I could list a whole slew of reasons why these conversations, which tend towards congenial intellectual sparring, turn both of us on, but I won’t.  Because mostly I’m just interested to learn what other people’s pre- and post-coital habits are.  And I’m curious how you think these habits affect the emotional and sexual health of your relationships.

There’s no way I could have anticipated every possible pre- and post-coital activity, so I tried to make poll answers somewhat general.  The first two polls allow multiple choice, the last one does not.  Feel free to use comments to elaborate on what kinds of pre- and post-coital activities you engage in and how you think they affect your relationship.

Are Naked Male Bodies Sexually Exciting to Women?

11 Dec

Recently, MM and I got talking about the nature of male strip clubs–you know, clubs where men strip and dance for the pleasure of women.  We were having trouble envisioning exactly what happens there, since neither of us has ever been to such a club.  And MM suggested that the whole notion of a naked man dancing seems a little silly–like there was just a bit too much potential for slapsticky bodily humor in the notion of a penis swinging free while a man danced.  I commented in passing that I’ve heard a lot of women say they don’t really find male bodies, especially male genitalia, attractive in an abstract sense.  In fact, some of these women have used words like “ew” or “gross” or “icky” in describing naked male bodies, particularly penises.  MM scoffed at this, asserting that these women (if they’re heterosexual) are just talking, that they must really be attracted to male bodies or they wouldn’t really be interested in sex with men.  I’m not so sure I agree with him.  I’ve heard far too many women express some level of not only that they’re not especially attracted to male bodies, but that they find them a little (or more than a little) unattractive.  Now, this is something I just don’t really understand.  I find male bodies beautiful and sexy.  I’m turned on by male nudity.  And there’s little I find more erotic than the sight of my partner’s body, especially when he’s aroused.  So I’m curious what other women think.

Women, answer in the poll below, expound in the comments.

For our male readers, answer in the second poll based on your perceptions and expound in comments.

Women:

Men:

Hysteria: the Movie about the Invention of the Vibrator

18 Aug

Just saw this and thought others might get a bit of a kick out of it.

As a lover of the Victorian era and someone who has spent plenty of time in gender studies, I’ve always loved the history of the vibrator and the standard late 19th century treatment for “hysteria” (namely orgasm via pelvic massage)–loved that treatment both in concept and practice, that is.  I wonder if this flick will show up in my neck of the woods…

Thoughts on Virginity #1

5 Jul

I’ll be writing several thoughts on virginity: why we have it, why we have kept it sacred, why it’s such a big deal, how we felt when we “lost” it, how it’s defined, tips on how to lose it if you haven’t yet, and oh, so very much more.

Let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start. When you are sexually defined from the very first, you are given that tell-tale label of “virgin”. There has always been the idea of equating the word “pure” with the word “virgin”. There is the ever-pervading idea that a person’s virginity, or loss of it, can profoundly affect that person’s life. Laura Carpenter, author of Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences, said, “I think the emphasis put on virginity, particularly for women, causes a lot more harm than good.”

So, how do you define “virginity?” Let’s take a look at Webster’s definition:

vir⋅gin  [vur-jin]  Show IPA

–noun

1. a person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2. an unmarried girl or woman.
3. Ecclesiastical. an unmarried, religious woman, esp. a saint.
4. the Virgin, Mary, the mother of Christ.
6. A female animal that has never copulated.

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Sehen Sie sich meine Brüste

9 Jun

This came to my inbox this morning via my sister Zina:

Frankfurt, Germany — A rather bizarre study carried out by German researchers suggests that staring at women’s breasts is good for men’s health and increases their life expectancy. Continue reading

pubic hair freedom and sexual consent (more info and entertainment)

5 Jun

Two things of interest:

1)Segueing off of Lucy’s brilliant post The Talk, I wanted to share this absolutely delightful comic, Sex Talk, about the kind of conversations you *must* have before engaging in sexual activity.

And on a slightly more off-beat-humor note: technical details of signing a sexual consent forms.

The topic of discussing consent is something I find so very valuable because growing up LDS, it wasn’t’ something discussed AT ALL except to protect my hymen at all costs (*Thank You* Lucy, for the way you handled that) until married, and then basically, you can “do it”, and how it was discussed with your (now, legal and lawful) sexual partner, wasn’t addressed.  At least that was my experience. Continue reading