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Heart Broken. And then what?

16 Apr

Have I introduced you to O. M. Grey yet? I don’t think I have! Well, here she is. Steampunk Author and Relationship Blogger both. I first found her when looking for information about alternate partnerships (ie, open marriages, polyamory and other non-monogamous varieties. More about that later.) I’ve found her to hit the nail on the head about a great many things.

Here are two articles (one published years ago, the other just the other day) about breaking up, being hurt, and then what? Continue reading

“Can You Love Two Men at Once?”

13 Mar

That is the title of this Huffington post article, by Iris Krasnow (who wrote the book, as they say.)

It’s a subject close to my heart. I have “men friends” and, at times, the friendship has been very close. I have never been sexual with another man, but I have been flirty. And I have been very very emotionally attached. I’m not going to go into that right now. Instead, I’ll share a few excerpts from the article, while I process it a bit.

“The chapter on flirty friendships in my book “The Secret Lives of Wives” has prompted a deluge of mail from wives who swear by their boyfriends-with-boundaries, men they love in their hearts and not with their loins. These flirtations can spice up the gray corridors of a long marriage. Feeling sexually and cerebrally charged by others beyond a primary relationship is a natural response of the human animal. And when kept within limits, who can deny that it feels good?

Men we aren’t married to find us smart and extraordinary because they don’t live with us in the grind of ordinary life, with kids, mortgages and sinks strewn with toothpaste and their newly shaved facial hair. In old boyfriends, we find our lost youth; in new men friends, we get the endorphin rush of being on a first date. The trouble starts when sexual crackle between two people who aren’t married to each other erupts into a roaring bonfire love, an urgent attraction that is both dangerous and delicious.”

And this, her concluding thought:

“Fantasy is too often better than reality. A new boyfriend becomes an old boyfriend who probably shakes gross facial hair off his razor into the sink like that yucky husband of yours does. Holding a flirtation at arms length allows you to sustain the alluring mystery.”

Thoughts?

Doing it Daily

10 Oct

There was an interesting conversation on another thread here, about having daily sex. While I like frequent sex, I had never really considered making something a goal, myself.  Gavin was the one who shared a link about Charla Muller’s gift to her husband on his 4oth birthday:  To have sex with him every day for a year!!

A few excerpts:

“…disappointingly for Charla, the mother of two young children, even Brad thought the idea was a bit, well, unrealistic. She had been expecting whoops of delight and much punching of the ceiling when she told him of his gift. Instead, she got sheer bafflement.   Then, to my horror, he declined the whole thing, saying that he didn’t want me to feel that I had to have sex with him – like it was some sort of duty,’ says Charla. ‘He actually walked away from me, saying we would discuss it later. I was quite deflated….  She eventually convinced the skeptical Brad that her offer was bona fide, and in July 2006 they embarked on what she would eventually dub the Dance Of The Daily Deed….”

“…Charla is the most unlikely sex guru. Church-going and cookie-baking, she exudes wholesomeness. Physically, she admits to being ‘sturdily built’ and is on the wrong side of 40. I’m hardly a sex kitten,’ she says. ‘But then, how many people are? That is the point….”

“…We did have to sit down with the wall planner going: “Well, we have that PTA meeting on Wednesday and you are away for business on Thursday, so we’ll have to have sex on Monday evening and Tuesday morning. Brad was appalled at first. His view of sex was that it had to be spontaneous and of the moment.  I always thought that was rubbish. How can it be spontaneous in the middle of family life? So we had to compromise a bit. As it went on, I scheduled it, but tried not to make him aware of how much I was scheduling it…”

“The sex itself wasn’t a disaster and didn’t become jaded because of the frequency.  Far from it,’ says Charla. ‘Because we were having sex so often, it actually took the pressure off, which was really liberating.'”

“My self-confidence was greatly improved, too. I’d always been one of those women who told herself she would want sex more if she just lost 10lb and felt a bit more sexy. Now, I realize feeling sexy isn’t about being thin or gorgeous. My husband desired me as I was – it was just a case of accepting that….”

Anyhow, I am curious. I know at least a few of you have tried this, how is it going? Meanwhile, what is your take on the frequency of sex. Daily is obviously not everyone’s norm… what works for you? How have your own sexual routines settled (ie, do you have “that night of the week” or what?)

I encourage any of you who have MORE to say on the subject to please submit a guest post to mormonmissionaryposition@gmail.com

meanwhile… yah. another Flight of the Concords music video. How Can I resist?

if that’s what you’re into….

4 Oct

I give you, Flight of the Concords, If You’re into it:

That’s one way to test the waters of sexual experimentation.

This song just popped up on my shuffle and it reminded me of the exceptional recent guest post by KaralynZ.

Sometimes it’s not just initiating sex… sometimes it’s… wanting to try out a particular method/game/toy/etc that you want to approach your partner about… but really aren’t sure how to with out feeling embarrassed/vulnerable etc.

For example, it took us a good couple of years of marriage before we had oral sex.  It was just one of those things we were both a bit to embarrassed to broach the other about. Eventually, I just got up the nerve to go there during foreplay… but I was pretty nervous about it.

Maybe I should have written up a little ditty and sung it to him first. 🙂

Anyhow… how have you gone about finding out if your partner would be willing to try XYZ (or whatever)?

the language of sex.

29 Aug
(warning. this post contains two instances of the *f* word.  They occur in the last half of the post.)

A little fact about me and my partner:  He and I really don’t have much in common.   Our interests, our styles, our work, the things we talk about, the things we like to do in our spare time….  we’re pretty different. Continue reading

Bodice Ripper Therapy

15 Aug
harlequin romance

harlequin romance

Hey ladies, guess what!?  Romance novels may lead to better sex for Mormon Women!

“Caroline Kline …who has master’s degree in classics from the University of California at Santa Barbara, conducted an informal survey of 40 LDS women, who were self-described romance devotees.

More than half (54 percent) said their marital relationships (75 percent were married) were strengthened because they were more sexually interested in their husbands when reading the novels, and 40 percent said that such books made their sex lives more fulfilling.”

How about you?  Are you a consumer of steamy reads? Want to weigh in on the subject? (And share some favorite titles while you are at it?)

 

txt msg <3

13 Aug
txt message love

txt message love

A few things to keep in mind when texting cheesecake pics of yourself to your partner:

~Be very careful you send it to YOUR PARTNER.  Not to the cousin whose name comes right before them in your contacts list, not to the co-worker whose name comes right after them in your contacts list. Continue reading