Archive by Author

Talking about a Little Pillow Talk

26 Mar

A study done not too long ago concluded that falling asleep immediately after sex, or rather one partner falling asleep immediately after sex, can serve to avoid conversation about commitment.  Apparently when a study participant reported that their partner consistently fell asleep after sex before they did, that same study participant expressed a higher desire for bonding and affection than did other participants whose partners did not consistently fall asleep first.  The conclusion reached based on this information was that falling asleep quickly after sex could indicate an unconscious desire to avoid talking about commitment, or commitment itself.

After deciding this study is not all that interesting for a variety of reasons (couldn’t it be that one partner has a more physical job and is therefore consistently more tired? or that the participants in this study tended to be 20-year-old college students? And doesn’t it seem like there would be far more important tells that your partner is avoiding commitment than how quickly s/he falls asleep after sex?), I shifted to thinking about pre- and post-coital habits.  The pillow-talk I share with MM is admittedly rather odd, as it includes such topics as the future prospects for gender equity in the Mormon church, the likelihood that a new business in our neighborhood will succeed or fail and what that has to do with the cultural attitudes of our city’s residents, and the problems of gendered toy marketing.  I could list a whole slew of reasons why these conversations, which tend towards congenial intellectual sparring, turn both of us on, but I won’t.  Because mostly I’m just interested to learn what other people’s pre- and post-coital habits are.  And I’m curious how you think these habits affect the emotional and sexual health of your relationships.

There’s no way I could have anticipated every possible pre- and post-coital activity, so I tried to make poll answers somewhat general.  The first two polls allow multiple choice, the last one does not.  Feel free to use comments to elaborate on what kinds of pre- and post-coital activities you engage in and how you think they affect your relationship.

Going Cowgirl

27 Dec

I used to not like being on top during sex.  I just didn’t seem to get as much pleasure from it as I did from other positions.  It also felt a little awkward–I didn’t know how to do it, how to move, whether to lean forward or back, whether my partner got enough pleasure if I wasn’t pumping up and down in a way that approximated his thrusting while we were in a position with him on top.  Also, I’m not exactly a small woman and I’d sometimes be self-conscious about that.  So I sometimes avoided sex with me on top and went for other positions that allowed me to relax a bit more. Continue reading

Are Naked Male Bodies Sexually Exciting to Women?

11 Dec

Recently, MM and I got talking about the nature of male strip clubs–you know, clubs where men strip and dance for the pleasure of women.  We were having trouble envisioning exactly what happens there, since neither of us has ever been to such a club.  And MM suggested that the whole notion of a naked man dancing seems a little silly–like there was just a bit too much potential for slapsticky bodily humor in the notion of a penis swinging free while a man danced.  I commented in passing that I’ve heard a lot of women say they don’t really find male bodies, especially male genitalia, attractive in an abstract sense.  In fact, some of these women have used words like “ew” or “gross” or “icky” in describing naked male bodies, particularly penises.  MM scoffed at this, asserting that these women (if they’re heterosexual) are just talking, that they must really be attracted to male bodies or they wouldn’t really be interested in sex with men.  I’m not so sure I agree with him.  I’ve heard far too many women express some level of not only that they’re not especially attracted to male bodies, but that they find them a little (or more than a little) unattractive.  Now, this is something I just don’t really understand.  I find male bodies beautiful and sexy.  I’m turned on by male nudity.  And there’s little I find more erotic than the sight of my partner’s body, especially when he’s aroused.  So I’m curious what other women think.

Women, answer in the poll below, expound in the comments.

For our male readers, answer in the second poll based on your perceptions and expound in comments.

Women:

Men:

Are young Mormons still “waiting” for marriage?

16 Nov

While browsing around the web tonight (as I am wont to do), I stumbled across this an article about why young Christians aren’t waiting for sex anymore at CNN’s Belief Blog.  And it got me wondering whether young Mormons are still waiting.  In brief the blog post makes the following points: Continue reading

Simple Ways to Add a Bit of Spice

4 Nov

This post uses one naughty word; consider yourself warned.

Here’s a suggestion: get a mirror, a nice big one, and hang it beside your bed.  Why?  Because it is damn hot to watch your partner and yourself in the middle of sex.  I discovered this by accident because MM rearranged some furniture and ended up leaning a mirror against the wall next to his bed to get it out of the way.  I didn’t really pay any attention at first, but the second or third time I was at his house, in his bed, I caught a glimpse of us in that mirror, naked, thrusting.  And it sent my temperature way up.  Now when I think of that mirror and us fucking in the bed next to it, it’s all I can do to not drop everything and head to his place for a little afternoon delight.

And you?  Have you found simple things that have (unexpectedly or not) ramped up the heat of your sexual encounters?

 

On Being Adventurous, and Dealing with the Ensuing Guilt

25 Oct

Recently my partner, MM, and I went on a road trip.  It was a long drive.  And we were sitting right next to each other.  And usually when we’re that close to each other, we’re touching in some way.  Which, of course, often leads to some sex.  So on that long drive, we held hands most of the way.  Or rubbed the back of each other’s necks.  Or kissed each other’s hands.  Almost constant contact.  At one point, something got my fires burning on a low but persistent level and that made me want to touch a little more than his hand.  So I started Continue reading

Hysteria: the Movie about the Invention of the Vibrator

18 Aug

Just saw this and thought others might get a bit of a kick out of it.

As a lover of the Victorian era and someone who has spent plenty of time in gender studies, I’ve always loved the history of the vibrator and the standard late 19th century treatment for “hysteria” (namely orgasm via pelvic massage)–loved that treatment both in concept and practice, that is.  I wonder if this flick will show up in my neck of the woods…