Archive by Author

Project Unbreakable

20 Apr

Trigger warning: This is a post about Project Unbreakable, a photography project aimed at helping sexual abuse survivors take the power back of the words that were once used against them. It contains a photo and a video, both of which are safe for work (no graphic or disturbing imagery) but deal with the words and effects of sexual abuse.  Continue reading

Heart Broken. And then what?

16 Apr

Have I introduced you to O. M. Grey yet? I don’t think I have! Well, here she is. Steampunk Author and Relationship Blogger both. I first found her when looking for information about alternate partnerships (ie, open marriages, polyamory and other non-monogamous varieties. More about that later.) I’ve found her to hit the nail on the head about a great many things.

Here are two articles (one published years ago, the other just the other day) about breaking up, being hurt, and then what? Continue reading

….minding my own business…

12 Apr

What happened during my lunch break today:

I was out for a walk, just getting some fresh air. On the way back to my office I took a detour through a short alley behind a library, when a large white SUV pulled up next to me. The man in the driver’s seat said:

“Hey, I like how you walk. Can I give you a lift?”

It was a WTF moment that lasted longer than a moment. I said No.Thanks. And kept walking. He continued to slow roll along beside me in his car, window down, asking again, and again, and again if he can give me a lift, take me to lunch, take me to dinner… Red lights are going off in my head as I begin to gauge how much further it is to the outlet at the end of the alley. If he cuts me off with his car, which way will I run. He is a big man, could I outrun him? Scream? Pick up a rock? ((Looking around for rocks…))

It didn’t come to that. He finally drove off leaving me to finish my walk, jumpy and looking over my shoulder.

I was dressed in jeans, a long sleeve hoodie, with a baseball cap on my head.

Does it matter what I was wearing? Would this incident have “made more sense” if I was wearing a short skirt?

I don’t really have it in me right now to make a nice wrap-up and take away for this post. But, I will leave you with two other articles that are bouncing around in my mind right now as somehow being related:

Ashely Judd fights back against the media’s misogyny towards women’s bodies.
And Any Sundberg rages on behalf of wicked smart women.

Promiscuity.

5 Apr

I keep hearing this song by Ani Difranco on the radio and have been wanting to say something profound about it. We’ll see how this goes.

Continue reading

“Can You Love Two Men at Once?”

13 Mar

That is the title of this Huffington post article, by Iris Krasnow (who wrote the book, as they say.)

It’s a subject close to my heart. I have “men friends” and, at times, the friendship has been very close. I have never been sexual with another man, but I have been flirty. And I have been very very emotionally attached. I’m not going to go into that right now. Instead, I’ll share a few excerpts from the article, while I process it a bit.

“The chapter on flirty friendships in my book “The Secret Lives of Wives” has prompted a deluge of mail from wives who swear by their boyfriends-with-boundaries, men they love in their hearts and not with their loins. These flirtations can spice up the gray corridors of a long marriage. Feeling sexually and cerebrally charged by others beyond a primary relationship is a natural response of the human animal. And when kept within limits, who can deny that it feels good?

Men we aren’t married to find us smart and extraordinary because they don’t live with us in the grind of ordinary life, with kids, mortgages and sinks strewn with toothpaste and their newly shaved facial hair. In old boyfriends, we find our lost youth; in new men friends, we get the endorphin rush of being on a first date. The trouble starts when sexual crackle between two people who aren’t married to each other erupts into a roaring bonfire love, an urgent attraction that is both dangerous and delicious.”

And this, her concluding thought:

“Fantasy is too often better than reality. A new boyfriend becomes an old boyfriend who probably shakes gross facial hair off his razor into the sink like that yucky husband of yours does. Holding a flirtation at arms length allows you to sustain the alluring mystery.”

Thoughts?

oh that feeling…..

7 Nov

I heard a most awesome song on the radio this morning.

Oh that feeling… Holy damn, can love ever do a number on a person.

So my original idea was to come up with a whole list of music vids about love (and heartbreak, and angsty unrequited desire, etc) but I have no time.  And, anyways, I like hearing other people’s music suggestions anyways.

So please, do share!! what are your favorite songs about love? (either swooning or raging.  I like the raging ones most :D)

(and I’ll see about eventually putting them all together in a MMP ‘mix tape’ post.)

Doing it Daily

10 Oct

There was an interesting conversation on another thread here, about having daily sex. While I like frequent sex, I had never really considered making something a goal, myself.  Gavin was the one who shared a link about Charla Muller’s gift to her husband on his 4oth birthday:  To have sex with him every day for a year!!

A few excerpts:

“…disappointingly for Charla, the mother of two young children, even Brad thought the idea was a bit, well, unrealistic. She had been expecting whoops of delight and much punching of the ceiling when she told him of his gift. Instead, she got sheer bafflement.   Then, to my horror, he declined the whole thing, saying that he didn’t want me to feel that I had to have sex with him – like it was some sort of duty,’ says Charla. ‘He actually walked away from me, saying we would discuss it later. I was quite deflated….  She eventually convinced the skeptical Brad that her offer was bona fide, and in July 2006 they embarked on what she would eventually dub the Dance Of The Daily Deed….”

“…Charla is the most unlikely sex guru. Church-going and cookie-baking, she exudes wholesomeness. Physically, she admits to being ‘sturdily built’ and is on the wrong side of 40. I’m hardly a sex kitten,’ she says. ‘But then, how many people are? That is the point….”

“…We did have to sit down with the wall planner going: “Well, we have that PTA meeting on Wednesday and you are away for business on Thursday, so we’ll have to have sex on Monday evening and Tuesday morning. Brad was appalled at first. His view of sex was that it had to be spontaneous and of the moment.  I always thought that was rubbish. How can it be spontaneous in the middle of family life? So we had to compromise a bit. As it went on, I scheduled it, but tried not to make him aware of how much I was scheduling it…”

“The sex itself wasn’t a disaster and didn’t become jaded because of the frequency.  Far from it,’ says Charla. ‘Because we were having sex so often, it actually took the pressure off, which was really liberating.'”

“My self-confidence was greatly improved, too. I’d always been one of those women who told herself she would want sex more if she just lost 10lb and felt a bit more sexy. Now, I realize feeling sexy isn’t about being thin or gorgeous. My husband desired me as I was – it was just a case of accepting that….”

Anyhow, I am curious. I know at least a few of you have tried this, how is it going? Meanwhile, what is your take on the frequency of sex. Daily is obviously not everyone’s norm… what works for you? How have your own sexual routines settled (ie, do you have “that night of the week” or what?)

I encourage any of you who have MORE to say on the subject to please submit a guest post to mormonmissionaryposition@gmail.com

meanwhile… yah. another Flight of the Concords music video. How Can I resist?