Simple Ways to Add a Bit of Spice

4 Nov

This post uses one naughty word; consider yourself warned.

Here’s a suggestion: get a mirror, a nice big one, and hang it beside your bed.  Why?  Because it is damn hot to watch your partner and yourself in the middle of sex.  I discovered this by accident because MM rearranged some furniture and ended up leaning a mirror against the wall next to his bed to get it out of the way.  I didn’t really pay any attention at first, but the second or third time I was at his house, in his bed, I caught a glimpse of us in that mirror, naked, thrusting.  And it sent my temperature way up.  Now when I think of that mirror and us fucking in the bed next to it, it’s all I can do to not drop everything and head to his place for a little afternoon delight.

And you?  Have you found simple things that have (unexpectedly or not) ramped up the heat of your sexual encounters?

 

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26 Responses to “Simple Ways to Add a Bit of Spice”

  1. Eliza R. November 4, 2011 at 10:26 am #

    oh_yes. I second the motion for mirrors.

    (we occasionally have sex, rear-entry style, in the bathroom, where we are both looking in the mirror. I quite like that too.)

  2. handle with care November 4, 2011 at 2:24 pm #

    Yummy mirrors-often thought an overhead mirror would be fun.Visual images alongside the actual sensations are a powerful way to build ongoing sexual enjoyment.Thanks for the reminder!

  3. KaralynZ November 4, 2011 at 4:36 pm #

    I used to like mirrors but now yeah… I don’t know. We have one in our room still that I bought back in the day so I do get to see every now and then still. Mirrors are hard to enjoy when you have cognitive dissonance issues with your body. I frequently don’t think I look sexy. But when I have sex I *feel* sexy. If I then look at myself have sex the contrast between the two kind of ruins the moment for me. I’m just saying.

    Now if we’re talking about simple things to add a bit of spice, just having my husband wear cologne does wonders for me.

    You know what I would like is to hear about things that were recommended but that turned out badly. You know the down side to all those things Cosmo says you should be doing. Like, we tried satin sheets. I don’t know who the heck decided satin sheets were romantic. If you think that slipping and sliding around and not being able to get and traction is sexy, then sure. And we just recently tried the “put a mint in your mouth while you go down on him,” which did NOT end well.

  4. Patty B. November 4, 2011 at 6:46 pm #

    I’m laughing about those satin sheets, KaralynZ. Just recently we started turning around with our head at the foot of the bed and feet at the head of the bed so that MM can get better leverage. Even the jersey sheets weren’t offering enough traction–I can only imagine the problems with satin sheets.

    I will say that if you don’t have a footboard, turning around and using the head board for leverage is fantastic. Of course, I like deep and hard, so maybe it’s not a universal preference. But for us, it works beautifully.

  5. nat kelly November 4, 2011 at 8:31 pm #

    Yes to the mirrors!

  6. nat kelly November 4, 2011 at 8:32 pm #

    And the cologne!

  7. Whitney November 4, 2011 at 11:06 pm #

    Patty: “…which did NOT end well.” LOL! Reminds me of this women’s arousal gel I tried–you know, the kind that’s supposed to heighten sensation and help you come faster or have a bigger orgasm. After it had been on about a second, it felt like there was a friggin’ ICE CUBE down there. Definitely an example of something that’s supposed to add spice but turned out badly.

  8. KaralynZ November 5, 2011 at 6:15 am #

    Yeah I have not had any luck with any of those arousal gels or other lotions or potions. We tried nipple tingly gel once too. They either do nothing or end with one of us running into the bathroom screaming “get it off!”

    One of my friends hosted a Pure Romance party this summer and one of the things I did try was kind of nifty – it was a lube that would heat up when you breathe on it. The husband approved that one.

  9. anna November 5, 2011 at 4:17 pm #

    karalynz i feel you! i just had a baby and the only way i can enjoy sex right now is to close my eyes and fantasize that i am a different person, or at least have a different body. seeing myself in a mirror would totally break me out of that! weird isn’t it, to fantasize about yourself rather than your partner? he’s fine, it’s me needs to change to make it hot. postpartum sigh.

  10. older November 7, 2011 at 3:03 am #

    The last 2 houses we have built have a large shower with 2 shower heads. It is good to see ones love naked and have a naked hug every day. It’s also nice to have your back scrubbed .

    My wife has always cut my hair and it is very sexy to have your hair cut by a naked woman.

  11. Zero November 7, 2011 at 9:26 am #

    To get any positive use out of a bedroom mirror, I would also have to invest in night-vision goggles!

  12. Patty B. November 7, 2011 at 11:09 am #

    Older, I’m with you on the joint shower. My last place had a large shower (unfortunately only one shower head) and it was lovely to share a shower on occasion. I think double shower heads should just be standard. 🙂

    Zero’s call for night vision goggles made me think of lighting. I for one prefer sex with the lights on, but it is nice to have that light be the right kind–candlelight or lamplight rather than the glare of overhead lighting. I had one partner who always turned off the lights and that was a little sad. I want to see my partner’s body and, position allowing, face. Hard to do that in the dark. And if the insistence on dark is strong enough, that means no morning or daytime sex, too, both of which I like.

    Another simple thing: have sex nearly fully clothed. The textures against bare skin is stimulating and the fact that your clothes are still on makes it feel a little illicit. Plus chances are it’s happening because the desire was urgent and strong and someone couldn’t wait–feels nice to be wanted that much.

  13. YoungFox November 7, 2011 at 11:49 am #

    Patty B. reminded me of a time when my wife and I were at my parents house watching a show late at night and we started making out. It got so hot and heavy we couldn’t make it to the bedroom and ended up doing against the wall(actually a pillar, they have a log home) fully clothed for the most part. Just talking about that night gets us both in the mood. For sure it was the naughty and risk factor that made the night exciting.

  14. i November 7, 2011 at 12:56 pm #

    Our master bedroom has sliding closet doors that extend the entire width of the wall. We’re talking a 12 foot wide by 8 foot high mirror if the doors are closed all the way.

    I love, absolutely love, see my wife on top of me from the side as well as from the bottom view.

    Mmmmm. Time to clean the house before she gets home! 😉

  15. Addie November 8, 2011 at 8:04 am #

    So how common do you all think it is for LDS women to view erotica to add a little spice? I had never done that until recently but I’ve experienced a revival of my drive after viewing it a few times. I think there’s something to be said about seeing sex being enjoyed instead of seeing it as a duty. And I like the mirror idea!

  16. Rosa November 8, 2011 at 8:54 am #

    I’ve lurked around here for a while and couldn’t resist adding my two cents here 🙂

    I second the motion (pun intended) for gettin’ busy with most of your clothes on. There’s just something exciting about being on top of my DH looking completely casual from the waist up but knowing what’s *really* happening. We’ll often make conversation like we’re talking over dinner or something- it makes it both funny AND hot. “So, how was school?” “Great, how was your day?” “So good… SO good… SOOOO GOOD!” Hehehe 😉

  17. Fanny A November 8, 2011 at 5:32 pm #

    Love mirrors. Love mostly clothed. Love up against the wall. Love the danger of being discovered in a semi-public location that’s not too dangerous, but just enough. Kitchen and bathroom counters are both good, and a dual shower is fantastic.

    I like lights on, but yes, they have to be the right light. Candles are great. Try Christmas lights draped somewhere unexpected, too- they’re great on naked skin. I want to see the look in my man’s eyes- huge turn on.

  18. Patty B. November 8, 2011 at 10:00 pm #

    Amen, Sister Fanny, amen! There’s very little that’s as sexy & arousing for me as seeing the look on MM’s face during sex. It’s an incredible turn on & so empowering.

  19. Anon right now November 8, 2011 at 10:32 pm #

    I would love to try sex up against a wall, but I’m tall (as tall as my boyfriend) & though I’m not fat, I’m also not super skinny. I’m certainly too big to be picked up, so it just doesn’t seem doable. Am I wrong? Advice from other tall women? Or men with tall partners?

  20. i November 9, 2011 at 9:38 am #

    Against the wall, sadly, isn’t very likely for us. There’s a 12-inch height difference and frankly it makes standing positions far from comfortable. Not that we haven’t given it a try in the shower

  21. Whitney November 14, 2011 at 11:52 pm #

    Anon right now, these are common issues. Plenty of guys lack the strength/endurance to hold onto their partner long enough for wall sex even if the girl is skinny. It seems to me that not many couples are able to do wall sex easily or comfortably. But if you figure out a way, please share!

  22. Elder January 12, 2012 at 4:46 am #

    We bought an adult board game it has done wonders. Has three stages to it. I recommend any board game. We never get around to finishing the game.

  23. Just Me January 12, 2012 at 11:11 am #

    We have a few games that we play with what we call “modified rules.” For Phase 10 you get to wear ten items of clothing. If you complete a phase, your partner loses an item. If you both phase, you both lose an item. Someone is guaranteed to be naked at the end of the game. Other games have other “modified rules.”

  24. Sualah January 13, 2012 at 10:48 am #

    @KaralynZ Mirrors are hard to enjoy when you have cognitive dissonance issues with your body. I frequently don’t think I look sexy. But when I have sex I *feel* sexy. If I then look at myself have sex the contrast between the two kind of ruins the moment for me. I’m just saying.

    I just had that experience and it was awful, awful. He was clearly enjoying himself, he clearly likes how I look–but that was just awful. I couldn’t stop my mind from racing, How can he be enjoying this, how can he not be seeing what I’m seeing??

    I obviously know this is my own issue to work out, but wow, that was an awful shock to discover.

  25. handle with care January 20, 2012 at 1:15 pm #

    Sualah,just had to respond. As a woman,I genuinely think that all women look hot with their clothes off.I think he sees exactly who he wants.I so hope you get to see that at some point.

    I feel so angry for you,so angry that we see ourselves through the prism of the gaze of others who exploit the insecurity they create.

    If you ever get to see the movie ‘Prospero’s Books’,based on ‘The Tempest’,it could be good.Every character is naked throughout the movie,and it just moved me to pity and love our shared humanity.What we carry in our flesh are the wounds of life and love. To some beautiful men,that makes us even more sexy.

  26. handle with care January 20, 2012 at 1:20 pm #

    And more constructively, Tao massage techniques can be a gentle,non threatening way to get used to our own nakedness together – I had to start with knickers on in order to be comfortable.It’s not hot in the usual way,but a gentle and soothing way to improve intimacy which then feeds into the sex. Some of us have to find a slightly different path.

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