if that’s what you’re into….

4 Oct

I give you, Flight of the Concords, If You’re into it:

That’s one way to test the waters of sexual experimentation.

This song just popped up on my shuffle and it reminded me of the exceptional recent guest post by KaralynZ.

Sometimes it’s not just initiating sex… sometimes it’s… wanting to try out a particular method/game/toy/etc that you want to approach your partner about… but really aren’t sure how to with out feeling embarrassed/vulnerable etc.

For example, it took us a good couple of years of marriage before we had oral sex.  It was just one of those things we were both a bit to embarrassed to broach the other about. Eventually, I just got up the nerve to go there during foreplay… but I was pretty nervous about it.

Maybe I should have written up a little ditty and sung it to him first. 🙂

Anyhow… how have you gone about finding out if your partner would be willing to try XYZ (or whatever)?

Advertisements

14 Responses to “if that’s what you’re into….”

  1. Whitney October 4, 2011 at 8:10 pm #

    I usually feel comfortable enough just asking my husband if he’d like to try whatever it is I’ve been thinking about (usually not while we’re having sex). But for those who are a little more shy, putting it in an email can be a lot easier. Or, if you have any sex advice books (like the kama sutra or anything else that gives suggestions of things to try), you can write little notes to each other in the margins–something like “I think this sounds fun” or “Would you want to try doing this?”

    I think someone else on this blog said she and her husband had a “sex notebook” where they would write down their fantasies or things they wanted to try. They took turns writing in it, so they could both see what the other had written. I thought this was such a great idea, my husband and I started one, too.

  2. Mouse October 5, 2011 at 7:31 am #

    I think it was actually easier to bring up new things to try when our relationship was younger. It was just a natural extension of everything being new, so it was easy to just sort of go “oooh, lets try *that*! I’ve always wondered what that would be like” whereas now it is easy to get in a rut and it takes a lot more effort to bring something new up.

    Normally I share something I’d like to try, and then ask him if there is anything he’s interested in. It does take a certain amount of courage to broach the subject though.

  3. Bah October 6, 2011 at 12:42 pm #

    I get right to the point: “how would you feel about trying xyz?” He usually rolls his eyes and says no way, but at least I asked. 🙂

  4. Zookie October 7, 2011 at 2:20 pm #

    For us it has become easier over the life of our marriage to introduce or bring up new things. There have been a few things that I’ve really wanted in our marriage bed and they have all come up within the last 10 years. I think it’s because of the trust and respect we have built up for each other over the years.

    It’s scary to lay bare you soul, so to speak, even to your spouse and best friend. Especially if you’re not sure your spouse will be up for it. I’ve had to take a big, deep breath and just blurt these things out before I chickened out, but I’ve had nothing to be embarrassed or worried about. He’s game for anything I want and we’re very open with each other sexually.

    I’m pretty sure that there are plenty of relationships where that sort of thing would not go over well. As in: Honey, let’s do xyz. Honey says, oh, no, way. We’re not doing that and don’t ever bring it up again. Sad.

    Just the other day, after commenting here that I thought that we should be having daily sex, I broached the subject with him. He thinks I’m crazy to think we can do it, but we’re certainly going to try.

  5. Eliza R. October 7, 2011 at 2:30 pm #

    @Zookie~ “He thinks I’m crazy to think we can do it, but we’re certainly going to try.”

    Hahahahahaaawesome, that sounds like quite the goal! Interested in doing a guest post about how it goes?

  6. handle with care October 8, 2011 at 3:29 pm #

    The daily sex thing,may be a big ask,and possibly even an own goal if it ends up intimidating him.I hear it takes a guy three days to re-charge…’though maybe that’s after a certain age.But I’m wishing you fun.

  7. Zookie October 8, 2011 at 4:05 pm #

    It certainly doesn’t take my husband three days to recharge, and he’s 50. In fact, little about him has changed in that area since he was 25. And I can’t intimidate him, ha ha! Every man is different.
    Anyway, I’d love to do a guest post about it!

  8. Gavin October 9, 2011 at 6:54 pm #

    I’m nearly 50 and it doesn’t even take 3 hours to recharge. I don’t think you need to worry about wearing out most healthy men.

    My wife and I have been doing the daily sex for a year. We realized that we were not having sex as much as we both wanted because of “initiating” issues (i.e., who should do it, am I asking too often, if she doesn’t ask more often is it because she doesn’t want to, etc.). We finally just decided that we would have sex more often if we had a standing appointment every night. So that is what we did, and now we have sex almost every night. Sometimes sickness gets in the way, so that is why it is almost.

    We have to work on schedules to make it work. Getting kids to bed on time is essential. Cutting out meaningless television and other distractions is another key. But we found that it can be done.

    The results have been amazing for our marriage. After nearly 20 years of marriage, it has definitely brought us together by creating a deeper intimacy, more caring, more consideration, more exploration, more fun together. I cannot recommend it enough.

  9. Rob October 9, 2011 at 7:32 pm #

    Gavin, you and Mrs. Gavin are my heroes! That’s very cool.

    If I may ask, what was your frequency before? Daily seems like a pretty serious leap from where we are now. I’m getting slightly better at asking for what I want but that seems out of reach. So, I have to wonder where the people took the leap were before they did.

  10. Gavin October 10, 2011 at 10:09 am #

    Rob, we were having sex about 2-3 times per week. I consider it to have been a huge leap. I look at how we used our time previously and it actually would depress me if I were to dwell on it, as it seems like such a waste. Honestly, good sex beats anything that you could put in front of me. Even so-so sex trumps the crap that is passed off as entertainment on TV today. The funny thing is that with sex so frequent, I can tell you that the quality only keeps getting better.

    However, what is best about it is our communication and intimacy keep improving. When you spend that much time devoted to pleasing your partner, and to being alone with one another, focused solely on each other, it is hard not to grow closer, more connected, more intimate.

    I am more convinced today than I have ever been that frequent sex is one of the best ways to build a healthy sex life, and that a healthy sex life is a critically important part of strengthening marriage.

  11. Gavin October 10, 2011 at 11:53 am #

    Rob, I found a great article linked on Laura Brotherson’s website that explains a lot about increasing frequency. There are a lot of things that my wife and I experienced that are very similar to the couple in this article, especially the descriptions of strengthening intimacy and communication, less sniping, etc.

    Here’s the URL:
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1033911/Could-make-love-husband-day-year.html?printingPage=true

    I mean this in all seriousness: assuming that you do not have major scheduling issues (like working different shifts), it is not that difficult to dramatically increase the frequency once you cut out the crap (like night-time TV).

  12. Eliza R. October 10, 2011 at 2:47 pm #

    hey guys, I hope you don’t mind, I am going to use that link and this thread to start a new thread discussing the frequency of Sex. thank you for this discussion! I’ll post a link here when the new post is up.

  13. Eliza R. October 10, 2011 at 5:56 pm #

    alright folks… here’s the DAILY SEX post.

    https://mormonmissionaryposition.wordpress.com/2011/10/10/doing-it-daily/

    also, feel free to send us guest posts on the subject.

    thx!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Doing it Daily « Missionary Position - October 10, 2011

    […] was an interesting conversation on another thread here, about having daily sex. While I like frequent sex, I had never really considered making something a goal, myself.  Gavin […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: