This is not porn.

18 Aug

It is educational.

But it is about penises and it’s NSFW.

My Penis and Everyone Else’s from Lawrence Barraclough on Vimeo.

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55 Responses to “This is not porn.”

  1. SingleE August 18, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

    My first thought: this guy might have a smaller-than-average penis, but he’s got one hell of a set of balls on him. The way he kept going out there and trying to talk to men, and just keeping it real and not devolving into crudeness–and that sign he wore?? Solid brass balls is what that took. I felt kind of sad that so many men were unwilling to even engage in the conversation (Is it really about competition? I’d like to hear from the men here about that.). The one man who was brave and said that he was small, and that it’s not the size that matters, but what you do with it, well, I liked him. He was brave, too. But I was also scratching my head: What do you actually DO with a penis besides…? I have zero experience, so I’m seriously curious.

    Then as I watched, I started to get really pissed off at my own sex and their dishonesty. Seriously, ladies–you don’t tell a man that size doesn’t matter to you when it actually DOES. Of course, we women are the ones who apparently fake orgasms 60% of the time, so that attitude shouldn’t surprise me. Since I’m a virgin, I have no idea if size matters or not. Which might be a good thing if/when I’m finally married–I won’t have a string of men and their various penis sizes to compare my husband’s package to. Maybe that right there is a good reason for a man and a woman to abstain from sexual relations before marriage–neither knows what the other might be missing. 🙂

    I actually cried, though, watching the story about the guy here in the states, who thought his SEVEN INCH ERECT PENIS was inadequate (that size would scare the crap outta me). And I wanted to bitch-slap his girlfriend. Nobody says whether she’s seen his goods by now, but I reckon she probably has, and she implicitly agrees with him that he’s too small, by not trying to talk him out of it. AND she thinks a 4-5 inch penis is too small? when the average length (as stated in this video) is about 5.5 inches? I hope she chokes on her boyfriend’s ass-fat. (and isn’t that an irony for you, btw.).

    At the end, I wanted to shout for joy for Lawrence, who finally got some validation–because I feel like that is what he was looking for, in addition to educating other men–with his “penis gallery.” It reminded me strongly of a video that I think was posted here about a guy who did a whole bunch of plaster casts of woman’s vulvas. Even cooler was the fact that the showing actually opened the men up to taking pictures of their own privates to pin to the wall! I was impressed. And very, very happy for Lawrence.

    Thank you for posting this, Lucy. This is perfect material for MMP.

  2. Patty B. August 18, 2011 at 3:16 pm #

    okay. I don’t have time to watch all of this at the moment, but it looks *fascinating*. And I’m totally with SingleE–that guy has one helluva set of brass balls.

    Looking forward to watching this when I get a chance.

  3. Zookie August 18, 2011 at 6:41 pm #

    This was so interesting. I was getting pretty ticked off at those women who were going on about size not mattering, and then making clay penises that were bigger than most dildos for crack’s sake! Maybe it was just the camera angle, I don’t know! Then the nurses looking at Jared’s penis and saying it was pretty small. As if all they’ve ever seen are 10 inch-ers or something. Bah! Since Jared is larger than average, I wonder if they’ve ever really seen a bigger one in real life???

    I also thought that Jared had a perfectly lovely penis. Then I got curious and went online to see some before and after pictures of the enlargement surgery. It seems men can get about an inch in length. When you have six inches, does one more inch really matter? Also, from what I could determine, this was all FLACCID length. According to what I read, men will not necessarily even get an inch more in erect length.
    Then there was the girth enlargements. And while it might have been after surgery swelling, the after pics of those penises looked horrible to me. Just horrible. I thought to myself, those men have ruined themselves.

    This reminds me a lot of labiaplasty. For the most part just as needless. And sad.

  4. Gorihor August 19, 2011 at 12:56 pm #

    Great movie, and very worth watching.

    Reminded me a bit of this post from Sociological images (NSFW) http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2009/03/06/normalizing-normal-breasts/

    Wherein they discuss an online collection of photos of ‘average women’s breasts’ located here (NSFW) http://www.007b.com/

  5. Whitney August 19, 2011 at 2:24 pm #

    Haven’t watched the whole video yet, but I thought I’d throw this out there:

    http://goodmenproject.com/uncategorized/why-i-hate-my-giant-dong/

    I LOVE this article. People always talk about insecurity associated with “small” size, but guess what? Big penises –> painful intercourse.

  6. KaralynZ August 19, 2011 at 5:02 pm #

    Whitney: I have a friend whose ex-husband and current boyfriend are both EXTREMELY large and she has only complaints about it when we girl talk. It must be extremely frustrating.

    I’m trying to come up with a way to say what I want about this without coming off wrong so here it goes.

    Do LDS men worry about this as much as other guys? And if so, why? In a culture where sexual abstinence before marriage is the standard, and porn use is taboo, why should they imagine that women would be comparing their husband’s penis size to anything else? Or is the cultural doctrine of “bigger is always better” so ingrained that men figure even those of us who have only ever had one sexual partner are wishing for more?

  7. Whitney August 20, 2011 at 4:42 pm #

    Karalyn, I know my husband worried I would find him too small, even though we were both virgins and don’t watch porn. He has lots of non-member friends (men and women) who had concerns/ideas about the importance of penis size (like what we saw in the video), so I guess he absorbed it from them. And regarding having a very well-endowed partner: I’ve heard it said that women only really care about size at the extremes–so if he’s REALLY small, or if he’s so large that it hurts.
    I just wish people could see the advantages of any size, and acknowledge that different people have different preferences. Maybe some women want to always feel “filled up,” but other women prefer a guy who can just slip right in there. Some positions work well with smaller guys, and others work well with larger guys.

  8. VirginAskingQuestions August 21, 2011 at 4:25 pm #

    I have to say… I’ve seen a lot of classical art and statues. And taken a health class where we got to see photos of healthy vs. diseased penises and vaginae. AND STILL, (from the art show at the end) they don’t look like what i thought they looked like. – and they all looked so different.

  9. UtahMark August 21, 2011 at 5:33 pm #

    KaralynZ, I personally have never had the slightest bit of concern about this issue, and I’ve never talked to an LDS man who has been worried about it. So I do think this may less of a concern for LDS men than for the rest of society. I think that is due to less exposure to pornography and because the LDS women we marry are likely to not have seen many penises to compare with.

  10. alex .w August 21, 2011 at 6:40 pm #

    I didn’t watch the video, since I don’t really have a non-worklike place to watch, but from the comments, I think that perhaps a dialogue about size might be in order…
    (Personally, when I was preparing to get married I found out I really really needed a hymenectomy (and multiple visits to the OB/GYN to make sure it all went according to plan), and definitely told my husband I was glad he wasn’t too um, well-hung, because that would make my poor stressed out vagina very unhappy indeed. Unusual? Perhaps?)

  11. KaralynZ August 21, 2011 at 6:44 pm #

    I think in a perfect world you’d be able to make it bigger or smaller at will.

    *nod*

  12. Bah August 21, 2011 at 10:25 pm #

    Before marriage I used vaginal dilators provided by the BYU health center, with the intent of preventing any pain or bleeding on my wedding night. The nurse who provided me with the dilators guaranteed that if I could comfortably insert the largest one, I would be safe from pain or bleeding when inserting an actual penis. Well, I worked up to the largest one just fine, and still tore and bled the first night with my husband. He’s not exceptionally long; maybe he’s exceptionally thick?

  13. Whitney August 21, 2011 at 11:54 pm #

    Bah: Girth is AT LEAST as important as length when pain and tearing are concerned. And unfortunately, that whole aspect is largely absent from discussions of penis size.
    For more info, you can check out the guest post on vaginismus.

  14. too chicken to be identified August 22, 2011 at 1:34 am #

    Man here, Are we allowed? I really felt for this guy but I agree he has a serious set of balls to go out and do this.A couple of things I thought of while watching this.

    1) If he lost some weight his penis would be longer (or more of it would be visible/usable), see here: http://www.betterbodyjournal.com/fitness-exercises/will-weight-loss-and-exercise-make-your-penis-bigger

    2) I would NEVER talk to a strange man about my penis, its just weird, and not the result of a lack of self confidence or concerns about my inadequacy.

    3) This may be TMI, but having an over average penis is more trouble than its worth, if I accidentally get too excited and hit my wife’s cervix she hits the ceiling (it hurts). I sort of feel sorry for her when we’re having oral sex…and when I used to wear condoms it was THE WORST…strangulation.

    4) The poor guy that went through with the surgery needs therapy and a new girlfriend.

  15. KaralynZ August 22, 2011 at 5:53 pm #

    Men are not only allowed, but appreciated.

  16. YoungFoxwife August 22, 2011 at 10:27 pm #

    Having only seen my husband’s penis I was very shocked at the differences in what they looked like. I thought my guy had the best looking one and after seeing more I am convinced that that is still true. Also my husband and I found this site interesting and informative:
    http://www.thepenismuseum.com

  17. demon August 23, 2011 at 5:01 am #

    I guess I would say that it doesn’t matter how big you are as long as you and that special someone are happy with the way things work. I have said to it people people before it is not the size of the ship it is the motion of the ocean, or if you know how to use it they won’t go away unhappy.

  18. M. August 23, 2011 at 10:30 pm #

    STOP. “Inserts”? BYU Health Center??? I get why they might supply them…but it’s kind of blowing my mind. This is worthy of a post all its own, I think.

  19. Bah August 24, 2011 at 11:43 am #

    M., those dilators were the best thing the BYU health center ever did for me. They were AWESOME. I cannot recommend highly enough that every virgin use them before marriage. And there’s a funny story about how the health center is able to provide them very cheaply, too–commercially available ones are pricey. I’d be happy to do a guest post on it if there’s interest.

  20. Zookie August 24, 2011 at 11:55 am #

    Derail: I wish I’d had those dilators! My hymen was like a brick wall. It took three separate times (on three separate days) of penetration to bust through the thing, with ripping, bleeding and pain each time. We didn’t know any better, so I just gritted my teeth and did it. YIKES!! I’m definitely not letting my daughter go through that!

  21. Whitney August 24, 2011 at 4:41 pm #

    More information on dilating and where you can find dilators can be found in the guest post on vaginismus!
    Zookie: I’m afraid far too many women have an experience similar to yours. First intercourse doesn’t have to be painful!

  22. KaralynZ August 24, 2011 at 5:14 pm #

    Ok, not *everyone* needs them. This goes back to the whole sexual gradualism thing. I believe there should be lots and lots of finger play and oral play before the penis gets involved. I guess if you are actually going to go straight from marriage to sex with nothing more than kissing before hand, it’s not a bad idea to get your body used to something, but it seems so… weird to me.

    But then again I also broke my own hymen learning to masturbate when I was a teenager so…

  23. Whitney August 24, 2011 at 10:09 pm #

    Karalyn, lots of finger play and oral play is always good, but it’s just not the same thing. It’s never going to stretch the hymen or the vaginal muscles like a penis or dilator will. Of course, not everyone is going to want to use dilators or feel a need for them, which is fine. But I would hate for some women to avoid them altogether when they might find them really helpful, just because they think it’s “weird.”

  24. alex w August 24, 2011 at 10:32 pm #

    All this talk of hymens makes me think a post on hymenectomies may be in order. I’d do it if no one else wants to; it probably saved my sex life before it really began.

  25. KaralynZ August 25, 2011 at 5:16 am #

    Fine, I retract “weird” – but the math doesn’t add up for me. Perhaps I”m hung up on the BYU health center handing out so many that they need to buy them in bulk and get a special discount. I mean, really does it seem feasible that more women at BYU would need to use dilators before having sex for the first time than would your average non-LDS woman if there are not other (cultural) factors involved? Do they give you a speech about making sure not to *enjoy* it or think sexual thoughts while you’re preparing your body for the wedding night, because it would be masturbation and thus a sin?

  26. KaralynZ August 25, 2011 at 5:30 am #

    I mean please, *please* tell me if I’m wrong. Please share your story about how these things are handled at the BYU health center and elsewhere if applicable (I imiagine BYU-I and BYU-H and Ricks all have health centers too.)

    I ask because everything I ever got from the Church on preparing for sex (not from my mom, but from Church sources) was of the bad metaphor variety: the rose with its petals picked, the dirty lollipop, the “your sexuality is a gift you give to your husband on your wedding night, and no one wants to be regifted with something you’ve already given once, you filthy girl,”

    So the only thing I can extrapolate from what you’ve told me is a kind of, “Well you have to take it out of the box and assemble it before the big day or he’s not going to get to play with it right away and you’ll spoil his fun.”

  27. Moriah Jovan August 25, 2011 at 8:52 am #

    Perhaps I”m hung up on the BYU health center handing out so many that they need to buy them in bulk and get a special discount.

    By and large, I find that people in healthcare are far more pragmatic and sensible about the human body than the average person. I would therefore assume that doctors/nurses at BYU would not only be more pragmatic in general, but have a good idea of the special needs of LDS students that might not seem normal anywhere else. Thus, I wouldn’t have blinked an eye to find out they needed them in bulk.

    I could too easily see how too many rose petal, licked frosting, chewed gum discussions might, in fact, cause a stampede of 19-, 20-, 21-, 22-year-old affianced women to rush to the doctor for some kind of practical advice and to “make it okay” for them.

  28. Bah August 25, 2011 at 11:15 am #

    Karalyn,

    They don’t buy them in bulk. They assemble dilator kits consisting entirely of SYRINGE COVERS. That’s the beauty of it. They work fabulously and are totally free. I would hate to see the syringe that the largest syringe cover belonged to though, since the cover is the size of a fully erect penis!

    They distribute the dilator kits at optional premarital classes for women. The premarital class itself was really great, although the nurse that taught it died unexpectedly last year I think so I can’t vouch for whoever is teaching now. She advised us to use lube along with the dilators.

    And really, what’s your issue with BYU health center distributing dilators? For women who can use the stretching, they are a wonderful gift because they prevent pain on first intercourse. For women who don’t need them, it’s not like they are forcing anyone to use them. I had done plenty of masturbating as a teen and still definitely needed the dilators.

  29. Bah August 25, 2011 at 11:23 am #

    So the only thing I can extrapolate from what you’ve told me is a kind of, “Well you have to take it out of the box and assemble it before the big day or he’s not going to get to play with it right away and you’ll spoil his fun.”

    Um right. It’s ALL ABOUT THE MAN. Because why on earth would a woman want to avoid pain and bleeding on her wedding night?!

  30. Whitney August 25, 2011 at 12:33 pm #

    Maybe the difference between members and non-members in dilator use has more to do with the context of first sex. Many members know months in advance exactly what day they will have sex for the first time (their wedding night). But for many non-members, it could be much more spontaneous. Using all the dilators in order takes about a month or more (depending how stretchy the person is to begin with), so even if you date someone a month before you know you want to have sex with them, that would mean waiting another month to go through all the dilators. In that situation, I’m betting most women would just “suck it up,” accepting that it’s probably going to hurt the first time but after that it’ll be fine. But I’m just speculating.

    I’d also like to note that hymens aren’t the only culprit in painful sex. The muscles surrounding the vagina also need to stretch and relax to accommodate a penis or dilator; for some women, those muscles are tighter or have a high level of muscle tension, also causing painful intercourse.

  31. Moriah Jovan August 25, 2011 at 2:54 pm #

    Don’t forget about lubrication. Natural lubrication amounts are as individual as the woman.

  32. UtahMark August 25, 2011 at 3:21 pm #

    One of the fascinating aspects of sex is that we all have a different experience with it. Our bodies react differently, and our minds react so differently to different types of stimulation. What one person sees as highly erotic is a turn-off to the next person.

  33. KaralynZ August 25, 2011 at 4:45 pm #

    Um right. It’s ALL ABOUT THE MAN. Because why on earth would a woman want to avoid pain and bleeding on her wedding night?!

    You got my point and missed it at the same time – my point was, why don’t we try to avoid pain and bleeding on the wedding night by teaching couples how to gradually engage in sexual behavior. Let’s encourage Priesthood leaders to sit down with young engaged men and teach them about sex and how to make it good for women. If she’s not ready to have sex the first night, why not make that a normal, clear cut issue rather than pretending people should go from 0-60 on the wedding night?

    And I’m sorry, if you’re saying you can’t do the requisite stretching of vaginal muscles with fingers, someone’s doing something wrong. I fully expect at least a few of you to disagree with me, but group together the first four fingers on your hand and look at them and I’m telling you, you’re doing it wrong if that’s not stretching.

  34. Whitney August 25, 2011 at 5:13 pm #

    Karalyn,
    UtahMark makes a good point. People’s bodies are all different. For some women, using her fingers to stretch herself will work fine. But depending on the elasticity and shape of your hymen, the muscle tension and strength of your pelvic floor muscles, the muscle tension of vaginal musculature, length of the vagina, and your partner’s length and girth, you might need to do something different. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re “doing it wrong.” It’s great that you’ve found something that works for you, but as the video points out, men (and women!) are sized and shaped differently, so we can’t expect a one-size fits all (pun intended!) approach to work.

  35. KaralynZ August 25, 2011 at 6:23 pm #

    I am evidently failing at communication today on so many levels that I do not even know where to go from here.

  36. UtahMark August 26, 2011 at 7:53 am #

    I’m interested in KaralynZ’s suggestion about providing engaged men with more information about sex. I was pretty naive about female sexuality at the time I got married, but even I understood that it was important to go slow and be gentle at first. What has been your experience, ladies? Were most of your husbands not aware of that?

    If more education would be helpful then I’m all for it, but I don’t like the suggestion that it should come from priesthood leaders. If that were the case a few of them would do a great job with it, many would do a fairly good job, and some would do a poor job. I’d much rather see that education come from health providers, health classes (I learned most of what I knew about sex and female physiology in a BYU health class), pre-marriage counselors, or some other source. Some people would get bad advice from these other sources too, but there’s a difference. When people get bad advice from these other sources, they usually figure it out after a while and discard it. But when people get bad advice from a priesthood leader (which hopefully doesn’t happen often, but does happen), they tend to hold onto it for a long time. In my church responsibilities I’ve counseled with a couple of people who received some bad advice regarding sex from bishops and had their relationships harmed by it for over 20 years!

  37. Whitney August 26, 2011 at 12:49 pm #

    UtahMark, that’s a really good point. Anything a priesthood leader says can take on the sheen of doctrine, which is HIGHLY problematic with anything sex-related. Insofar as my own experience goes, my husband was awesome and highly educated on this stuff. Part of that is because he is in the military, and what do military folks talk about when they’re deployed? Sexy stuff. Also, he and I discussed this stuff quite extensively before marriage. He knew about my deal with vaginismus and I would tell him about my physical therapy about it. So yes, my husband was well educated, but he’s really not representative of most men in the church.

  38. Moriah Jovan August 26, 2011 at 12:54 pm #

    he’s really not representative of most men in the church.

    I didn’t want to marry a virgin. I wanted to marry a man with some experience under his belt. Heh.

    So I did.

  39. VirginAskingQuestions August 26, 2011 at 2:24 pm #

    Moriah, do you think it’s weird that I want to marry a virgin? (Yes, I do realize that the older I get the less likely this will be) I think part of it is, that I want to explore something new with someone who is ALSO exploring something new. On the other hand, I can DEFINITELY see the upside of being with someone who knows what they’re doing. But, there’s also a small part of me that still thinks of virginity as a gift (both on my part and on a boys part – too many hershey kisses object lessons I think) even though I know it’s not the healthiest thing to think of it like that. sigh…stupid object lessons that STICK when they shouldn’t!

  40. Whitney August 26, 2011 at 2:40 pm #

    VirginAskingQuestions,
    I know you weren’t talking to me but I’m bored so I keep commenting! I also wanted to marry a virgin, and I’m glad I did partially because of that “exploring” aspect you explained. I also worried that if I married someone with “experience,” he would have certain expectations insofar as my body, what I should be willing to do, that he’d already have a rigid sexual script, etc. Of course, even without “experience,” people can certainly have certain (unhealthy) expectations. I also feared that the guilt from having had sex would lead to certain hang-ups and difficulty enjoying sex (this was the case with one guy I dated). But, like the expectations thing, a virgin could experience lots of guilt, or a person who’s had sex might not experience the guilt and hang-ups.

  41. VirginAskingQuestions August 26, 2011 at 3:47 pm #

    Whitney!
    Ooh, feel free to comment whenever! I mostly just addressed Moriah, because it was her comment that got me started thinkin’ ya know? And because we have completely different ideas about it. And I totally understand all the points you make. I often wonder what my own expectations are and how they will/will not meet up to reality… how do I explain this. Okay, I recently joined okcupid. And there’s a LOT of questions about sex (since members write the questions) and at first I was mostly skipping them, because, what do I know? And then I figured, if I just answer how I THINK I’ll be that should be okay – since some of them are phrased that way. But THEN that felt unauthentic to me, since I don’t know for sure how I will actually feel about stuff when it’s no longer theoretical, ya know? I mean, can I actually know how I’ll feel about stuff if I’ve never tried it? (There’s a couple things i DEFINITELY have opinions on, but for the most part… who knows?)

  42. VirginAskingQuestions August 26, 2011 at 3:51 pm #

    Also, random thought… Utah Mark (and anyone else who wants to put their own two cents in) What information did you take with you to your first time? Was it really just slow and gentle? Like you, I’m curious about the type of information people take with them into their relationship. And, if you don’t mind me asking (feel free to ignore this part obviously) but… how did your wedding night go with the knowledge you had?

  43. Moriah Jovan August 26, 2011 at 4:03 pm #

    Moriah, do you think it’s weird that I want to marry a virgin?

    Absolutely not. *I* was the weird one. I’ve never met a Mormon girl who DIDN’T want her intended to be a virgin.

  44. VirginAskingQuestions August 26, 2011 at 4:13 pm #

    “Weird” was probably not the best adjective to describe what I meant… but I’m glad you responded. And I know we only know each other over the internets, but I don’t think you’re weird!

  45. UtahMark August 26, 2011 at 4:13 pm #

    VirginAsking, I knew the basics of what was supposed to go where. I knew about the hymen and that breaking it could potentially be painful, and I was aware that some stretching might be required for everything to fit. I had received the vague advice that just about anything will work for a guy but that you really have to pay attention to a woman’s reactions to figure out what is and isn’t working.

    And maybe we were just lucky, but it turned out GREAT for both of us. I probably shouldn’t go into much detail here, but I’ll just say that we both have very fond memories of that night as well as the next few days and nights. We’ve gotten better at it in the years since then, but those first few times were enormously exciting and pleasurable.

  46. Moriah Jovan August 26, 2011 at 4:29 pm #

    @VirginAskingQuestions

    Oh, absolutely no problem. There are very few things I think are weird about someone’s sexual preferences (excluding certain fetishes and even then…).

    *I* wanted to be a virgin when I got married. However, once I’d hit 33 with no hope in sight, I absolutely, positively rejected that. I felt betrayed by the Lord for having been obedient and promised this blessing (yeah, I know, the caveat in GC is always made: “some people will not find mates in this life”–like the token sympathy makes it better), and I was getting on to where *I* felt being chaste/celibate/virginal was not natural anymore and I resented it. I was unhappy and angry. I met my husband about a week after I’d made the decision that wickedness couldn’t make me any unhappier than righteousness. So I made it to the sealing room after all.

    But I will say this: Yes, even now, knowing what I know and having been to the temple, I wish I’d given in a lot sooner than I did*.

    Quite frankly, I always had the vague impression that I was unrighteous because I hoped to marry an experienced man. BUT I also got an experienced man who is tender and kind and has given me the courage to pursue my talents. So in some ways I feel like I got better than I deserved.

    *And no, for those of you who are concerned for my soul or hope I’ll end up in the telestial kingdom, I’m not advocating anything, one way or another.

  47. KaralynZ August 26, 2011 at 6:59 pm #

    I feel enough more in possession of my sanity today to break my self-imposed internet forum prohibition and say that while I grew up assuming that I would marry a man who was a virgin, I ended up marrying someone who had had several previous sexual partners.

    I did struggle with some worries about how I would “measure up” during our engagement (I had/have plenty of body-image issues to begin with,) but I tried to be honest with my husband about my concerns and he was honest with me about his experiences and feelings.

    It does not bother me in the least now, though I’d be hard pressed to pin down the exact time when I got over it 100%.

  48. Too Chicken Again August 26, 2011 at 10:47 pm #

    I agree there needs to be more education but I hope it will be more of a cultural move and not from the priesthood leaders. They scare me and I seriously DO NOT want my stake president talking to me about sex…EVER. All they have done is damage me about masturbation and sexuality, I don’t see that changing. And the advice I got from my stake resident before getting married was weird and just stupid. I have often said when they tell me how to have sex I’m out of here, and I’m sure thats coming since we all seem to need to be told every thought to think and move to make.

    The best thing for me was to read books. Lots of books. Give engaged couples books like the one by Laura Brotherson etc etc.

    Also, Just for the sake of chiming in on the conversation. My wife and I knew nothing about sex when we got married but we managed to figure out that fingers came first and there was a lot of that until penises came into the picture. Sex gets better with age, practice and knowledge. I knew that much going in and just had to be patient and learn. It was fun.

  49. VirginAskingQuestions August 27, 2011 at 1:29 pm #

    UtahMark,
    Thanks for sharing! I realize that’s a pretty special time, and I appreciate what you were willing to share.

    Moriah,
    I don’t think it makes you ‘unrighteous’. But, I can definitely see why you would feel this way! We put SUCH an emphasis on … chastity (not that chastity isn’t a good thing), and if you combine that with the horrible object lessons… who wants a dirty, broken up cookie – or used gum – and you’re thinkin’ I’d be okay with that! (perhaps not for the object lesson, but for the real life things they symbolize) then no wonder!

    KaralynZ,
    That’s a very good story. It’s nice to know that it was an issue (and you talked about it) and you’re over it – and it was a process. Sometimes I feel that we, as Mormons, don’t always allow for the PROCESS of stuff (like sex, grief, dating for more than 2 months without getting engaged… etc) 😉

  50. Moriah Jovan August 27, 2011 at 1:31 pm #

    who wants a dirty, broken up cookie

    Someone who’s starving.

  51. VirginAskingQuestions August 27, 2011 at 1:31 pm #

    Moriah,
    I’m not exactly certain my comment that was addressed to you came out the way I intended. Basically, I’m saying No wonder you had those feelings of unrighteousness (even though you absolutely WEREN’T being unrighteous), because the way we teach chastity in church can suck.
    I THINK that’s better.

  52. RoamingRedhead August 27, 2011 at 7:45 pm #

    Little late coming to this conversation, but here goes anyway…

    The BYU-I Health Center gave me dilators but never mentioned using lube with them (hello I should have figured that part out myself at least!) so I never got up the nerve to use the largest size. I don’t remember anyone at the health center saying anything negative to me about them, just good luck, hope these help, call us if you need anything else.

    Wow, I wish my husband and I could have had a a wedding night as memorable as UtahMark and his wife’s. Mine was not pleasurable for me, and after the initial shock of ‘oh -my-gosh-i’m-finally-having-sex!- wasn’t for my husband. I remember being surprised at this because our relationship definitely involved sexual gradualism and we had talked extensively about our expectations and anything else we thought would relate.

    Anyway, I found that if we didn’t have sex about every two hours my vaginal muscles would start to contract and tighten. So when we were out and about somewhere and I started to feel not as “loose” as before, it was time to go back to the room and sit with his penis inside me because it was all I could stand! At least we can look back and laugh now.

  53. UtahMark August 28, 2011 at 5:17 pm #

    RoamingRedhead, it’s good that you can look back at the situation now and laugh rather than being upset or bitter about it. And it’s good that at the time, although things weren’t ideal, you figured out some kind of solution. I have no idea how long you’ve been married, but the ability for the 2 of you to do those two things suggests you’re likely to have a long, happy relationship.

  54. alex .w August 28, 2011 at 7:12 pm #

    VirginAskingQuestions:
    Re: learning before getting hitched
    I bought the Guide to Getting it On a month or so before I got married. It has been both thoroughly entertaining AND educational, even though at times the author’s bias is more than I generally prefer (but not a real problem). I should have bought it sooner, both for better sex ed for me and for not having to share my copy with my husband 🙂

    As far as personal experience lessons: be willing to laugh about getting into the groove of sex, and don’t be surprised if it’s more difficult than you expected. It’s not really that difficult, but I have thought a few times “and stupid teenagers keep doing this all the time? Really!”

  55. RoamingRedhead August 28, 2011 at 10:20 pm #

    Thanks UtahMark!

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