Nakedness is Happiness

12 Aug

We welcome another guest post and male point-of-view from MMP reader and fan, O. Porter Rockwell.

Sisters, I rise once again to broach another sensitive subject that some may find perhaps a bit taboo.

It’s about your wardrobe. Now I dare not speak of colors, styles, or size. There are far more knowledgable people who can counsel you on such details. I wish to discuss but one aspect of your wardrobe: Quantity.

I’ll just say it: You’re overdressed. Yes, you. The one wearing three layers of shirts/blouses/thin sweaters in the middle of a hot and sultry summer. I realize the issue of garments and covering them properly is a problem, but sisters? The garments of most Mormon men are seen each day peeking out the top of our polo shirts… we feel no need to add a third shirt to cover them, and we wish you would not either.

I want you to consider your “LTN” (Layers To Naked) ratio. I’ve conducted a survey of some brethren and it’s pretty much agreed that anything higher than a 3 on the LTN scale increases the turn-off factor exponentially. Make of that what you will.

Oh, and if it takes a degree in physics and mechanical engineering to work the clasps on your unmentionables – well, you might want to consider something a tad less complicated.

As long as we’re in that neighborhood, let’s talk about cleavage. Most garment designs do in fact allow some semblance of cleavage to show. Us guys – we kinda like that… so stop burying it under so many layers. Think more Elizabethen, less Victorian.

I’m well aware that many women (and men too, frankly) have body issues. You wish that was smaller or those were larger or vice-versa. Realize that you are beautiful the way you are, and we love you. Get comfortable with being naked and be that way as often as possible. I can only speak for myself but I’ve never told my wife to get dressed.

As a girl/young woman you were no doubt preached to repeatedly about the need to be modest so as not to overly excite the young men- and we can gloss over the problems with that practice for brevity in this post. But this overbearing practice can unfortunately lead to a distorted sense of modesty resulting in a LTN level of 5, 6, or 7. Sisters, it’s ok for your husbands to get excited – even overly so – by the wonderland that is your body. Your body is a divine creation – one to be enjoyed- by both you and by your spouse.

Once you’re comfortable being naked, you can work on the transition from “naked” to “nekkid”.

What’s “nekkid”? Why thanks for asking. In the Southern dialect it goes something like this: “naked” means simply you have no clothes on. “Nekkid” means not only are you naked but you’ve got a mind to do something about it.

Good luck and happy nekkidness!

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23 Responses to “Nakedness is Happiness”

  1. SingleE August 12, 2011 at 10:12 pm #

    Thank you, Brother Porter, for your informative post. I think my LTN is a 1, or a 2 if you count garments as a layer. But I don’t have a husband, nor are there any eligible single men around to impress with my score. Is it okay if I get naked by myself? Or better yet, nekkid? I have a hot tub, if that helps.

  2. Moriah Jovan August 12, 2011 at 11:46 pm #

    I love this post. It’s like a love letter to women.

  3. amelia August 13, 2011 at 12:51 am #

    Love this post, other than the reference to John Mayer’s terrible song “Your Body is a Wonderland.” Sorry. I can’t stand the man’s music (this particular song is especially awful in my opinion; along with the one about daughters; it’s just so transparently obvious that he thinks of himself as so enlightened and enlightening when in reality he’s anything but, at least as far as his songs indicate) and anyone who would compare his penis to David Duke is just totally unacceptably terrible in my opinion.

    but other than that, well done.

  4. VirginAskingQuestions August 13, 2011 at 5:16 am #

    Does anyone else think that if women’s garment tops were prettier or looked like a normal cami then people wouldn’t mind if they peeked a little. Unfortunately they are just SO OBVIOUSLY garments (as opposed to guys tops, which just look like tshirts). Also – for those of us who like to wear pretty underwear UNDER everything – can we NOT count that as a layer? (Says the girl who does not wear garments and isn’t married)

  5. Bah August 13, 2011 at 9:18 am #

    There are two garment top options that I think look decently normal. One is the new carinessa top. My husband likes it because it’s very fitted. It has a different type of decorative edging on the neck which looks semi normal and has actual hems everywhere else. But my go-to favorite is the 100% cotton round neck chemise, which has NO LACE. I live in a hot, humid climate so I wear the 100% cotton tops most of the time and just let the neckline show under any shirts that don’t cover it because it would be straight up unhealthy to add another layer to my outfit in this heat. I’ve had a couple of mormon women act scandalized when they realize that my garments are showing, but I just point out that men’s garment tops show all the freaking time. Usually shuts them up.

  6. Porter August 13, 2011 at 1:40 pm #

    SingleE – you have my permission to engage in solitary nekkidness as a point of personal privilege. You also have my bright green jealousy in regards to your ability to use a hot tub whilst in a state of nekkidness. 🙂

    Moriah – why thank you very much. You may have made me blush…albeit slightly.

    Amelia – Mayer stole that idea and lyric from me. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

  7. Fanny A August 13, 2011 at 2:31 pm #

    Porter, thank you for another great post. I love hearing the male perspective, and agree that the ridiculous amount of layers is off-putting and unnecessary. Keep sending them in, my friend.

  8. KaralynZ August 13, 2011 at 4:13 pm #

    Blah, I’m about ready to replace most of my garments and I’ll have to try the round neck cotton ones you mention.

  9. Bah August 13, 2011 at 7:00 pm #

    On the garments topic, the newly redesigned garments website is AWESOME. It shows actual photographs of the hems and necklines so that you know what you are getting, as well as a sketch of the outline of the garment to give you an idea of the cut.

  10. Fanny A August 13, 2011 at 8:47 pm #

    AND the new Carinessa tops are AWESOME. No lace, actual hems, fits like an athletic undergarment. Finally!!

  11. KaralynZ August 14, 2011 at 7:57 am #

    Yes, and they got rid of the #$*%& lace around the legs too!!

  12. SingleE August 14, 2011 at 7:05 pm #

    No lace around the edges? Hmmmm. That could be good. Where do I find the picture s of the new designs? If I had something that wouldn’t just look weird if it shows under my shirts, that would be cool. Literally as well as figuratively; I wouldn’t have to wear tank tops under some of my shirts.

  13. Bah August 14, 2011 at 7:41 pm #

    SingleE, there are pictures on the distribution center website in the garments section.

  14. Strong Man August 17, 2011 at 6:00 pm #

    Love this Blog! You’re right on. I don’t really want my wife showing off to everyone else, but around the house, I want to see some skin and curves. And in the bedroom, I want to see a LOT of skin.

    Oh–and if your husband tells you you’re attractive, BELIEVE HIM. It doesn’t matter what you think–you’re not the one looking. All that matters is what he thinks and he likes to look at you.

  15. April August 19, 2011 at 11:18 am #

    I had a friend wearing garments with a thinnish, drapey shirt over it on the NYC subway. She actually had a woman come up and say, “Excuse me, are you LDS?” When my friend replied in the affirmative she said, “I just wanted to let you know I can see your garments through your shirt.”

    I think a lot of women try to cover up more, not for their on comfort but to avoid those types of interactions. I bought some of the 100% cotton tops and often use them as camis, I love them. I am in the process of trying to reduce my LTN. It takes some mental work to put something on and say, “Yes, this is okay” after years of covering, covering, covering.

    Oh, and can we abolish the phrase, “You’re religion is showing”?

    Thanks.

  16. Bah August 20, 2011 at 3:14 pm #

    Yeah, part of the issue is that the symbols are sewn so they show through thin clothing. They are silk-screened on military garments which makes tons more sense.

  17. Patty B. August 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm #

    Amen and Hallelujah, Brother Porter! I for one love me some naked and regularly crave some nekkid.

  18. alex .w August 21, 2011 at 6:34 pm #

    This reminds me of something I’ve noticed– I’ve never worn garments and my mom isn’t LDS, so I don’t have much real experience with them, but I know basically how they go, and I am surprised at how often I see LDS women who wear an additional layer that goes up and over their collarbones even under shirts that would not show garments. It seems hyper-modest to me…what is the deal with that? Do some garments go up much higher than others so they need to be covered by yet another layer…? I saw that at church today and I’ve seen it other times.

    And as a newlywed, I can say that my husband seems to have a similar viewpoint. He’s asked me a few times why I’m wearing so much clothing around the house, and I don’t generally have a strangely high “LTN”…haha.

  19. Bah August 21, 2011 at 10:21 pm #

    alex, the women I know who do the cover-the-collarbone thing are actually trying to completely conceal their cleavage. I think it’s a particularly popular choice for women in primary because the do a lot of leaning over and such.

  20. alex .w August 22, 2011 at 6:05 pm #

    Bah-
    That’s some really enthusiastic cleavage management (coming from someone who does her fair share, too!).

  21. demon August 23, 2011 at 4:54 am #

    I guess I am the type of person who doesn’t care how many clothes you have, because I know what is underneath it all. It makes me feel special that I am the only one who truly knows what you look like.

    However I do want you to be comfortable so it is your choice how much you want to wear or how little. I sometimes like that women choose to wear lots of clothes. I do get offended by some of the clothes people try to wear when they shouldn’t be wearing those types of things at all.

  22. Bah August 23, 2011 at 12:06 pm #

    At home I just wear garments. Sexy? not really. But it’s comfortable and makes it easy to get nekkid.

  23. SPE September 16, 2011 at 8:00 pm #

    I LOVE the 100% cotton rib knit. They look like those Shade shirts with a finished hem and you dont have to wear another undershirt with it. ABOUT @$%#$%&%*ing TIME!

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