I Would Do Anything For You… But I Won’t Do That.

28 Jul

So what’s the deal? The more we write, and the more emails and comments we get sent in here at MMP, the more we realize there are some very specific lines being drawn down the middle of beds- and even down the middle of rooms. What gives? And I mean that in the most open way- I would never suggest coercion or doing something hurtful, but I have to wonder, why are so many people saying “no way!”.

So far, based on our smallish sample size, the biggest “No Way” seems to be oral sex. For Latter-day Saints, is this a holdover from the old SWK days when, however briefly and euphemistically, that was something discouraged? What is it? If this is something you find distasteful, can you anonymously explain why in the comments? What about men? Are you doing it? We know a few of you aren’t.

The stereotype is that women are the ones who’s default setting is “No” or at best, “Maybe”. Stereotypes exist for a reason. But we’ve also been surprised in our discussion how many men are also saying “No” to their wives- and this has been a shock to the women who came into their marriages expecting the men to be the sexual aggressors. This is part of our LDS narrative, unfortunately. You see it all over, from the New Era to Relief Society lessons- women protect their chastity from the roaming eyes of the insatiable men. (you can safely assume how I feel about this) So what do we do when our own story doesn’t fit this template?

What I would like is to figure out why we are saying no. What are we rejecting in our spouses when we tell them no? Or are we? Why? Give me your thoughts…

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36 Responses to “I Would Do Anything For You… But I Won’t Do That.”

  1. youngfox July 28, 2011 at 7:26 pm #

    As for me and my house, oral is a huge part of our sex life and has been from the beginning. When my wife and I were engaged we had some good conversations about sex. We wanted to know what one another would be comfortable with and what we wanted. Of course, at that point we were both virgins and really did not know what we would be comfortable with but we had some ideas. Oral was discussed and we decided it would be part of our marriage. Throughout most of our marriage my wife has been the main recipient of oral sex. I love to give her oral sex and of course it has been one of the main ways she orgasms. As for me receiving oral, that has been a bit of different story. Mine was the first penis my wife had ever really seen. Lets just say it has taken a while for her to come around. It has only been in the last couple weeks that I have actually come by oral sex. I’m hooked. As far as what is ok and what is not, oral is more than OK in our house. Now anal, that is a whole different story. We have never tried it and don’t see the appeal. Any thoughts on that, and is there a church stance on it?

  2. IL July 28, 2011 at 9:48 pm #

    I get the sense that it’s mostly older LDS couples that have these reservations.

  3. Fanny A July 28, 2011 at 10:32 pm #

    IL, you know- I would have said that before some of the conversations I’ve had since starting this blog. Now? I’m not as naive as I was.

  4. Anonymale July 28, 2011 at 10:37 pm #

    Upon getting married, my wife and I established our only rule regarding sex life – if one of us does not feel comfortable with something, then we don’t do it even if the other really wants it.
    Even though we now have drastically increased in knowledge of sex acts and what we are both comfortable with from our humble beginnings, this principle remains in effect as strong as ever.
    Even though we both have veto power with this rule, we do not abuse it because we both sincerely want each other to be happy. When one of us says No that is respected, but it has always spawned open, frank discussions where we explore our feelings more and often reach the same conclusions in the end. (and the sex after such discussions is fantastic)

    Oral sex is an example of something that we both didn’t feel so comfortable with beyond brief simple foreplay at first – maybe even for the first whole year. Then, I changed my mind but my wife was not comfortable yet. The rule kicked in so we didn’t do it yet – but we started some great discussions. Gradually, we both increased our comfort level in oral sex and now it is a common choice. It would not be as good as it is today if I had aggressively forced my wife to do it before she felt comfortable, and likewise it would not have been good if she simply said No all the time without allowing open discussion. We both enjoy receiving/giving oral sex now. holy smokes it can be a lot of fun going all the way

    Within reason I don’t believe any sex acts between husband are wife are inherently evil. So instead of maintaining some specific list of what’s good and what is bad or wondering if something is sinful or not, we simply do whatever we both feel comfortable with that makes us both happy and closer together. I don’t feel comfortable with anal stuff for example not because I think it is evil – rather it has no appeal to me personally.

  5. Fanny A July 28, 2011 at 11:25 pm #

    Anonymale, that sounds like a great plan. I agree heartily that non-playful force or coercion has no place in a healthy sex life. What you and your wife did seems healthy and respectful and terrific. You talked about things, worked on them, and grew together. That’s a WIN in my book.

  6. AnonymousForNow July 29, 2011 at 12:32 am #

    In response to youngfox, I’m quite certain that the general church consensus would be “nay” on anal sex because it’s “impure” and “unholy” and “unnatural” (the hallmark descriptors of inappropriate sex acts). That said, the church has been better about acknowledging that what happens in the bedroom should be dictated by the husband and wife involved, not by church leaders, so I think that consensus would be more about a general feeling rather than a strict statement.

    I personally enjoy anal sex. It’s a different sensation, one I like, and it gives my partner a lot of pleasure. I also like double penetration by using a dildo or anal plug while having one form of penetrative sex or another. And I only know this because I’ll try just about anything that doesn’t involve physical harm, urination, or defecation (the last two because in my mind they’re inherently demeaning in their implications, at least in our culture). I realize there’s a certain “ick” factor to some things (anal sex, for instance). I know it’s a real thing and that it’s not easy to get beyond the “ick” factor. But I just figure I’d rather set aside preconceived notions and experience something before I make the conclusion that I’m just not interested. I do usually take a gradual approach to something new that I’m unsure about. For instance, I didn’t jump straight to anal sex; there was manual anal play first, which helped with creating some comfort and with knowing a little bit what to expect. In this regard I’m a big fan of Anonymale’s approach of being honest and talking about what I want and about reservations and options; that approach fosters exploration and (in my experience) gradualism.

    As to why so many people aren’t open to exploring more things–I think most of it has to do with imposing preconceived notions of what good sex is, where “good” means both “morally acceptable” and “pleasurable.” And then there’s the imposition of preconceived notions of what it means to be a good girl or a sexy person or a respectful man or a gentleman, etc. The more preconceived notions about sex and gender constructs we take to bed with us, the more likely we’re going to say “no” to a lot of things. We’d do well to throw out as many ideas about sex and gender as we can and just explore.

  7. KaralynZ July 29, 2011 at 4:45 am #

    Yeesh, yeah I was going to say if The Big No among readership is oral sex, then anal sex must be off the charts on a totally different graph all together.

    I never had any hang-ups about oral sex at all. It’s something that feels good for me, it’s something that feels good for my husband. Extremely handy if you’re caught in a situation with no lube. As far as we’re concerned, oral is just part of how sex works.

    Anal, now when we first got married it was a hard limit for me. (Hard limit being used in the BDSM sense of, that’s a deal breaker, no way, no how.) I did not believe there was it could be pleasurable, and therefore the only purpose must be degradation and humiliation, it was offensive, if he really loved and respected me how could he even THINK about wanting to do that?

    Yeah. Well, I found as we practiced the oral sex more, sometimes in his enthusiasm, my husband would manage to stimulate me in that area. And it felt good. *Really* good. He noticed how much pleasure it seemed to give me and encouraged me to let him try more of it. Like the poster above me, we got to it gradually. Most of this is in the past two years or so and it has been a BIG struggle for me to get over the mental block of “bad/wrong/demeaning.”

    For everything else we play by the same rule Anonymale laid out. I don’t think we ever did so formally, just, that seems like the most logical way to approach it.

  8. Youngfox July 29, 2011 at 9:02 am #

    KaralynZ and AnonymousForNow, thanks for the responses. Not sure if we will move there, but who knows. KaraylnZ was it your husband that was always up for the anal? Anonymale is definitely right, we too have used the same method in our marriage. Once again thanks for being open and honest, I appreciate everyone’s responses.

  9. E. July 29, 2011 at 9:38 am #

    Nothing is off the table between my husband and I, as long as we both feel comfortable with it (like Anonymale said). I love giving him oral sex, but I don’t like receiving it (it reminds me too much of being molested when I was younger). However, we do both like anal. Like the others said, it is about comfort levels, open communication, and trust.

  10. RoamingRedhead July 29, 2011 at 1:51 pm #

    Oral is a significant part of my (nearly 2 yr) marriage as well. Before we were married, my husband and I set up a system very similar to what Anonymale posted, and decided that we would always try to have honest, caring, non-judgmental conversations about our desires and concern regarding sex. While both of us enjoy oral sex, neither of us has ever been able to achieve orgasm by oral alone. It’s something we’re working on. 🙂 So as for anal…maybe someday we’ll reach the point where it comes up for discussion, but for now not so much.

    I do know that in many of my friends’ marriages the husbands are not up for oral sex AT ALL. Not even a discussion of why they don’t want to. One of these friends said that she feels like a bad person (“He’s just so good/holy/spiritual, he’d never want to!”) for trying to convince her husband to give or receive oral. She also told me that when they have sex it only lasts until he comes (about 5 min according to her) and she’s never had an orgasm. They’ve been married 4 years.

    Another friend describes the sex her husband wants as “dirty, dirty sex” which translates to sex when he feels like it to gratify his desire more than hers. And b/c she describes it as “dirty” I assume the position is probably rear entry. No oral in this marriage either.

    I think a lot of this attitude (among the people I know) can be attributed to certain religion professors at the BYUs. I remember several occasions one religion teacher I had stated as a fact that the only church approved sex was the kind you could envision the apostles having. He asked things like “Do you think they would participate in anything as lewd and unholy as oral sex? Or worse?” The only thing that came to my mind was ‘EW! who wants to think about the apostles having sex?!” But apparently there are others who took it to heart.

    Makes me sad to think of the opportunities some couples miss to bond, to grow and learn about each other through exploring their sexuality because they’re too worried about doing something “bad/wrong.”

  11. KaralynZ July 29, 2011 at 6:11 pm #

    Yes, my husband was always open to trying it, but since it was something I stated right at the beginning that I was not comfortable with he rarely pressed the issue. He mentioned it maybe three times in 6 years, just in a “I would be open to doing this,” way.

    Also, he was not raised LDS, so his background in regards to sex was different than mine.

  12. nat kelly July 29, 2011 at 9:54 pm #

    I had a conversation with two young female friends, both of whom had been married for only a couple of years, both of whom didn’t really like sex and very rarely had sex with their hubs, and both of whom had never considered allowing oral sex. Actually, neither of them had ever let their husbands even use hands or fingers down there.

    I had this conversation and then I was sad.

  13. Amelia July 29, 2011 at 10:19 pm #

    Nat Kelly, I’m sad just having read your and Roaming Redhead’s comments. Really, really sad. ugh. I hate what rigid prescriptions of “righteous” desires and behaviors can do to destroy human joy and pleasure.

  14. youngfox July 29, 2011 at 10:30 pm #

    Those kind of situations not only make me sad but they make me mad. I don’t remember how it came up, but I was talking with my dad one day and he asked about my sex life. Somewhere in this conversation he mentioned that my mom had never had an orgasm. 40+ YEARS OF MARRIAGE AND NO ORGASMS!! Sorry for yelling but that is how I felt inside. I totally love my father and I think he is a great example in a lot of things, but this really made me mad. I did not say anything, but I wanted to tell him he was selfish and should have done something about that a long time ago. Needless to say, no oral there and no manuel stimulation. I know he comes from a different time, but still no excuse. Men, we need to take care of our women!

  15. Fanny A July 30, 2011 at 12:12 am #

    And this is why I wanted to start this blog. Those of us who are open about sex are incredulous that this is possible- and yet the more people I talk to, the more common I fear it is. And, yeah, it makes me sad, but also like YoungFox, it pisses me off.

    It shocks me that there are folks trading in their potential joy for some misguided idea of righteousness. Let’s keep talking and get others talking as well…

  16. KaralynZ July 30, 2011 at 8:54 am #

    Very old onion article here but I have thought of it several times since this blog started and Nat and Youngfox’s comments brought it back to me.

    http://www.theonion.com/articles/horribly-awkward-first-sexual-encounter-worth-the,1614/

    (The Onion is a satirical online newspaper for those who are not familiar with it.)

  17. amelia July 30, 2011 at 9:03 am #

    Also “Do it like the apostles do” is probably the most disturbing sex advice I’ve ever encountered…

  18. VirginAskingQuestions July 31, 2011 at 11:45 am #

    Amelia, I agree. It’s right up there with picturing your grandparents/parents/siblings having sex.

    Here’s a question for youngfox… you said you discussed oral sex before you were married and decided it would be part of your sex life. You also said that you love it. Did this come about through experimentation – or were you already pro giving oral sex. Did that make sense? Often, in media, girls performing oral sex is considered normal, but rarely do we see depictions of men giving oral sex, except for in ways that are portrayed as silly or gross. Were you already interested in the giving aspect of it, or did you discuss it, decide when you were married you’d give it a try and then decide it was fun?

    Basically, I’m asking you the same question you asked KaralynZ, except replace anal with oral. Were you always interested in it?

  19. YoungFox July 31, 2011 at 12:17 pm #

    VirginAskingQuestions, your question got me thinking about what really happened. We did discuss it before our marriage and we decided we were ok with it. In our first year of marriage we used oral but it was not a huge part of our sex life. My wife got pregnant within the first month and that really threw a kink in things, but that is another story for another post. it wasn’t until after our first child came and my wife was learning how to enjoy sex again( for my wife, her body seems to reset after each pregnancy), that I really started using oral as a way to get her to orgasm.
    As far as why we discussed it and why we thought we would enjoy it. In my teen years I had watched a lot of porn and I first saw it there, but really I got the idea to include it in my marriage from a companion I had on the mission. He had been sexually active before the mission( this was before they “raised the bar” for missionaries, as the saying goes) and he swore by it. He told me I had to do it and that my wife would love it. So my wife and I discussed it, and we were willing to give it a go. It definitely takes some practice to get good at and with open communication my wife can tell what works and what does not.

    On a related note, we are celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary tomorrow night and my wife got an extended bikini wax for the first time and I am sooo excited to take full advantage of it. Once we got married she never really thought about keeping things really cleaned up down there, and I was none the wiser, but seeing her now drives me crazy. The reality of giving oral sex is not really that pretty, there’s a mess of hair and a lot of liquids to deal with, but when I am in the mood, none of that even phases me, in fact I love it, but when I am not in the mood( enough, because let’s be honest, I am usually in the mood), we just make it happen some other way.

    I hope I have answered your questions and I hope it wasn’t too much info. I will have to say that this blog has been great for our sex life, because of it we have definitely opened a few more doors and taken our game to the next level. Life is good right now.

  20. KaralynZ July 31, 2011 at 1:08 pm #

    I know shaving was another, earlier post, but my husband and I both shave, it makes it so much nicer for the person who is giving the oral sex.

    It is also another example of something I was dead-set against when we first got married that I have since embraced. Much as YoungFox said, it really gets my husband turned on when I shave because, he says, I’m doing it for him, and for sex.

  21. VirginAskingQuestions July 31, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

    Happy Anniversary YoungFox! No, I don’t think it was too much information. Thank you for sharing. I’m rather glad that you didn’t think I was overstepping in the questioning. What’s an extended bikini wax? Does it just mean she’s going all bare?

    KaralynZ,
    was there a particular reason you were against shaving? Or was it just the general it itches when it grows back, and don’t get me started on the ingrown hairs thing? Not that there are minor concerns, I’m just curious.

  22. Youngfoxwife July 31, 2011 at 4:03 pm #

    @virgin asking questions, an extended bikini is most all of the hair, a Brazilian is all of the hair but you can leave some on or not you just talk with the girl doing you wax. I highly recommend it, if you are prone to rash and ingrown hairs with shaving this would probably be the better way to go for you. I am not a pro since I haven’t had it done often but it will now be part of my regular up keep. I also found out for the lady that did mine that a lot of women start out by wanting to do it for their husbands ands in turn love it them selves.
    I am youngfox wife and I’ll say this, we did discuss oral before we got married and I was very willing to try but I was a little nervous. My sister who were already married by the time I got married discouraged me from it. During my pregnancies we cut back (a little) but I love it so much I don’t think sex would be fun at all with out it. For years (almost 11) to be exact it was the ONLY way I could achieve an orgasm. I feel bad for my sisters who are missing out on such a pleasurable and fun thing. I have a lot of sons and I can see me talking to my future daughter in laws about this very subject not for only my sons sake but for theirs.

  23. VirginAskingQuestions July 31, 2011 at 5:41 pm #

    YoungfoxWife – Happy Anniversary to you too! I love that we’re getting both sides of the viewpoint here, that’s pretty cool. Was there a particular reason why your sister was against it? And was your nervousness, just the general nervousness of being new to the whole sex thing in the first place? Because even though I don’t have a significant other at the moment, I still think that if I do get married, I’ll be rather nervous. Just because it’s something new. Ya know?

    Thanks for the advice about the waxing. I’ll have to look into that in more detail. I’ve actually considered getting laser hair removal because I would just love never to have to shave my legs or bikini line again. If only it weren’t so expensive. 😉

  24. amelia August 1, 2011 at 7:16 am #

    “Often, in media, girls performing oral sex is considered normal, but rarely do we see depictions of men giving oral sex, except for in ways that are portrayed as silly or gross.”

    That’s largely because of the rating system. In _This Film Has Not Yet Been Rated_, it explains that films have been given NC-17 ratings for showing female pleasure, especially that derived from oral sex. Apparently showing a woman thoroughly enjoying sex is somehow more obscene than showing a man thoroughly enjoying sex. Says a lot about our culture.

  25. VirginAskingQuestions August 1, 2011 at 2:14 pm #

    I’ve noticed it even when people are not exactly showing what’s going on anyway – or if the action is implied or whatever. I actually tried to watch “This Film has not Yet Been Rated” But I don’t like depictions of violence. (To the point where I don’t watch or read horror movies/books [I’ve even had to cut down on my fantasy intake] – I get nightmares fairly easily) And there was a SUPER violent part in the beginning of it. And even though I wanted to watch it (because I find that particular subject FASCINATING) I just had to turn it off.

  26. Corktree August 2, 2011 at 10:53 am #

    I’m confused as to what “no” means in regards to oral sex. No as in “I don’t want to do it” or “I don’t want it done to me”? For me, I absolutely love giving in this area, but have had a harder time receiving. My husband insists that he enjoys it (on me), but his actions speak otherwise (he’s not as enthusiastic as I need him to be to believe it and really enjoy it) and we’ve never done it enough for him to get proficient. And since I enjoy sex enough without it lately, I guess I’m not mourning the loss. But I’m wondering what men are saying no to? Do any of them actually not like to give it, but feel obligated to reciprocate? We’ll probably always include oral on him as part of our tool box because I really love it, but I’m wondering how much I’m missing out on by not allowing or encouraging a little quid pro quo.

  27. UtahMark August 5, 2011 at 2:27 pm #

    Amelia, I’m curious if things are portrayed differently in movies in countries outside the United States where they have different rating systems.

  28. amelia August 11, 2011 at 10:03 pm #

    VAQ, I don’t remember the super violent part in the beginning. I guess it was the sex stuff that stuck in my head. 🙂

    UtahMark, that’s a very good question. I would imagine that, given what I know of a couple of rating systems from other countries, they wouldn’t be quite as prudish about showing female pleasure. But, the US is certainly not alone in sexist attitudes towards women, especially where sexual pleasure and experience is concerned so it wouldn’t surprise me if they also had a double standard about such things (allowing more to be showing of male sexual experience/pleasure than of women’s).

  29. anonymousinitiator August 11, 2011 at 10:33 pm #

    I agree that it is not always the woman saying “No”. When I was first married to my husband, I found out that I was a lot more up to exploring and having a lot of sex than he was. It was actually a big point of contention in our first year of marriage, and is still something we are working on. In our case, the stereotype that men want sex all the time and that he (DH) would be the one wanting to try new things was very hurtful for me. Because he was a lot more subdued about sex (something I never expected, during our full courtship we barely were able to keep our hands off of each other, and struggled with remaining clean until marriage) I was often hurt when he didn’t want it, feeling like there was something wrong with me. I often initiated sex, and even now, my sex drive is stronger and I am often the one trying new things. My husband grew up in a VERY conservative LDS home, sex was never discussed until his mother forced a very awkward talk on him the day of our wedding. I really believe that although some of his hesitation is due to a lower libido than my own, a lot of it stems from his upbringing. It was very hard for him to switch his mindset from “no no no, to go go go”.

    As far as oral sex, it is a part of our marriage, and I really enjoy giving it. I was the one to initiate it the first time, and DH really enjoys receiving it from what we have discussed. As far as me receiving, we do that too, but I don’t think he enjoys it as much and therefore I end up feeling self conscious and not enjoying it all that much either. I do keep clean and shave my down there, I would like to try waxing too! He really appreciates that, I don’t think he would give me oral as much if I didn’t.

  30. YoungFoxwife August 11, 2011 at 11:09 pm #

    @virginaskingquestions,
    I was nervous mainly because I had never seen a penis before. Then the thought of touching it and putting it in my mouth was something I had built up to. Now it is not a problem and hasn’t been for a long while, he was patient with me and I was willing to try which I think is the key. As for receiving it I was never nervous about that, it did take some time for me to help my husband know what he was doing to make it feel the most pleasurable, practice is where all the fun is 🙂
    I think my sisters discouraged me because they were able to achieve orgasm with out any added stimulation (lucky!) but I also think they just felt it was completely wrong. I told them that if it was between my husband and myself why was it wrong?
    I was actually a lot more innocent than I realized and even my husband realized, but we have keep communicating about it and I gave a little here and there and he has given a little also to make sure that both of our needs are met. He is definitely more physical than I am, I prefer words (to show love). So we have just really tried to do for each other what we know they like and the effect is amazing and it really has gotten us closer in all aspects of our marriage not just in the sex department.

  31. figleaf August 12, 2011 at 12:54 am #

    I’m going to second IL’s suggestion that aversion to oral is probably more of an issue with older generations. When I was younger, and even into the early 1980s, fellatio in particular was something so “nasty,” or at least extremely naughty or coarse, that it rarely happened until long, long, long after intercourse.

    Cunnilingus became acceptable much earlier — probably in the early 1970s — and thanks in part to books like The Joy of Sex and Any Woman Can. Fellatio remained very strongly associated with prostitution and homosexuality.

    Not to be all “kids these days” but I’m pretty sure most people who’ve come of age in the 1990s might still honor instructions (from BYU professors and/or other clergy) not to go there, but for the most part I don’t think there’s any culture-wide indoctrination against either.

    figleaf (Who’s not LDS but has a number of friends who are. Also I already think this blog is awesome! Great ideas, excellent and insightful discussion, what’s not to like?)

  32. VirginAskingQuestions August 12, 2011 at 6:24 am #

    Amelia – It probably wasn’t SUPER violent, but because my violence threshold is rather low – I perceived it to be super violent.

    UtahMark – I have a GREAT example of how movies are portrayed in other countries. The King’s Speech in the US received an R rating for profanity. In the UK it received a 12A – meaning anyone over 12 could see it because “The strong language is not aggressive and not directed at any person,” the BBFC said in a statement.

    “After careful consideration … the (BBFC) board took the view that the way the strong language is presented in ‘The King’s Speech’ did not contravene the language guidelines at ’12A’ and that the public would understand why the board has reached this decision.”

    I LOVE that they took in the context instead of the US approach where it was just – is the F word said once = pg-13, more than 3 times = r.

    Youngfoxwife – yay for communication!!!

  33. Gorihor August 12, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    We fooled around a bit with oral prior to our marriage but afterward it definitely took a back seat to vaginal intercourse.

    However while my wife was pregnant with our first child she became concerned with vaginal sex and became much more comfortable providing oral sex. Since then it has become a regular occurrence in our intimacy although she still doesn’t allow me to climax orally.

    While I am eager to return the favour, she deals with genital shame issues and doesn’t like me down there (although the occasions where I am granted access are met with compliments).

    @youngfox – good job dropping the A-bomb on here!

    Unless the brethren are going to add a question to the temple recommend session I would assume that there is no official ‘position’.

    Plus isn’t there a scripture which reads “Be ye not ass-shamed?

    For those who would caution others that they would need to picture a GA doing it (not pointing fingers here of course) – I would imagine that Joseph Smith or Brother Brigham were no prudes in the bedroom (maybe the sister wives could confirm).

    As for our household, it is a rare delicacy, but consumed with gusto by both parties when made available.

  34. Zookie August 18, 2011 at 11:44 am #

    Hi! I just found your blog and am so glad I did. I didn’t know there was anything else out in the blogging world like this except for my little blog that I started a few months ago.

    Anyway, I have always done oral sex and I like it!. I didn’t go to BYU, so maybe that’s why I never got the teaching that it was wrong or bad. I didn’t even know it was supposed to be “wrong”. It was in all the sex manuals I read, so in my mind it was just part of the whole sex package. Now swallowing I haven’t always enjoyed. That was something I had to learn to like. I did a post on that awhile ago (http://sexandtheldswoman.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/gasp-swallowing/)

    Anal sex is something I’ve always liked, but unlike oral, I had been taught that that was bad, wrong, dirty, and unnatural. I felt a bit of guilt that I liked it and that I did it. But I have spent a lot of time in prayer about my sex life with my husband, and I’ve come to know that what we do during our intimate times is perfectly good and acceptable. The marriage bed is undefiled.

    I have done a few posts on oral sex (http://sexandtheldswoman.wordpress.com/?s=oral) and one on anal sex (http://sexandtheldswoman.wordpress.com/?s=taboo) if you are interested! (I hope it’s okay to put in a shameless plug for my blog. I’m new to the blogging world and don’t know the etiquette. )

    Anyway, I like your blog!

    p.s. I’m embarrassed to say I can’t figure out why your “names” are what they are. Some one commented on another thread that they figured it out, but she didn’t say what it was! She just said, “Duh!” (I must be incredibly dense!)

  35. AllieKay August 21, 2011 at 7:55 am #

    On the issue of hair, I just made a YouTube video on the subject if your interested. (Don’t worry. It’s perfectly SFW.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN0jCgYPuvQ

    Hair is a hard one for me. At first, we were both dead-set against hair removal 1) because I simply prefer men with hair and 2) because he thought he would feel like he were having sex with a little girl and not with a grown woman. I eventually got over my fear of shaving/waxing and gave it a go a few times. Two things happened.

    First, receiving oral was WAY better just because there was nothing in the way. It was the first time I’d ever received oral and not gotten immediately bored. The other thing, unfortunately, was that I got a terrible rash. I guess my skin is more sensitive than most, but a few days after I remove the hair, I get this big, nasty, itchy rash that makes the great oral not even worth it. D: It doesn’t matter if I shave, wax, or tweeze. I get the same rash. Has anyone else had this problem?

  36. Patty B. August 21, 2011 at 9:55 am #

    Zookie, our names are names of Joseph Smith’s plural wives. If you go to the masthead of our blog and drop down the “information” menu, you can click on individual names to get not only background of the bloggers, but also of the women whose names we’re using. Think of it as a nod to the church’s sexually “deviant” past in some fashion. 🙂

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