Masturbation 101

21 Jun

My  sister-wife Eliza wrote a post about masturbation and sex toys, and as I read it and the comments that followed, it dawned on me that stepping back and giving some basic information might be helpful to some sisters. Our levels of comfort with these things vary widely, and while some of us might be perfectly comfortable talking about sex toys, some of us might be quite intimidated  and not be sure what, really, masturbation or a sex toy even is, other than something to talk about in hushed whispers, if at all.

As a Latter-day Saint woman, I have never had a bishop or stake president ask me about masturbation in an interview. I have been asked about the law of chastity, and if I am keeping it, and that is as explicit as the questions have gotten. I know from my sisters that others have been less fortunate, and been asked very intimate and invasive questions, depending on the personality and inclination of the priesthood leader. The truth is, a person does not have to answer questions one finds inappropriate. The mandated question is simply if one follows the law of chastity. Yes, or no. Period.

First, masturbation is a normal part of sexual development. Science and medical research support me on this statement. The church has backed away from micromanaging the affairs of the bedroom as it had done in previous decades, and now adopts something of a hands-off approach. The edicts on oral sex have been quietly dropped, and this is, like masturbation, a personal matter and not a church matter. I understand young men are still more likely to be asked about masturbatory habits, but I have instructed my four sons that they are entitled to their privacy and that masturbation is a normal, if private, part of growing up.

Masturbation is as normal for women as it is for men. Got that? I’ll say it again. Masturbation is as normal for women as it is for men. As a matter of fact, masturbation is a wonderful way for a woman to learn about her own body, and what pleases her and what she really enjoys. It’s a way for her to figure out her own parts, and what is normal for her body. It then becomes a way for her to share with her partner how best to please her. And believe me sisters, the men want to know.

Masturbation does not have to be done alone, as though it is something to hide. In a trusting relationship, allow your partner to watch you- to see how you touch yourself, to see what pleases you. Watch him. You might be surprised to learn what he likes, what arouses him quickest, and how erotic it may be to watch. And I guarantee- absolutely guarantee- if you let him watch you… fireworks will follow. There is little that is more erotic to many men than watching a passionate woman enjoy her body. Consider it foreplay.

Sex toys. There is nothing whatsover wrong with using what some call marital aids. In today’s world, you don’t have to go to unsavory stores in shady parts of town to find sex toys. There are many internet sites that even cater to women, with literature, toys, and products to enhance sexual pleasure. You can be as daring or as demure as you are comfortable, from the comfort of your home. There are also nicer stores now in most cities, that also cater to women. This relatively new breed of store is clean, well lit, and quite often staffed and stocked by women. There is no reason to feel embarrassed, and if you simply want to look, the ladies working will leave you be. They will also often be happy to answer questions if you have any.

In the sex toys, you will find basic dildos (models of an erect penis that come in many different materials) and vibrators (like a dildo, but vibrates from batteries) to more complex models of both of these. The very basic models are simply shafts that can be used to stimulate yourself or a partner. There are many variations on these, and personal preference varies. A lot of women begin (and are perfectly satisfied) with a very simple and smallish vibrator. These are great for creating clitoral orgasms. As one becomes more comfortable with using it, and with masturbating with your partner, you might find he likes using it on you- sometimes as foreplay, sometimes to bring you to orgasm after intercourse. Again, there is not right or wrong way to do this. Experimentation in a loving, trusting relationship is key.

Also, don’t worry about being too reliant on a vibrator. They are fun, and they can add some dimension to sex, but sex with a real, flesh and blood person wins out over batteries, hands down.  There is really nothing to fear.

Also at the sex toy shop (or online store) you’ll find lingerie, stockings, a multitude of lubrications (if you have only used KY, get ready to have your socks knocked off) that you really should try (another post for another day) along with feathers, lotions, dusts, condoms, restraints, scarves, ties, and all kinds of things meant to entice and make sex interesting and fun. Many of the lubrications and lotions are available in sample sizes for around $1, and you should definitely give them a try.

There will also be a section in most of these stores with more serious and harder-edged sex toys. This section is usually in the back, and if you’re curious, take a look- it’s okay to giggle if you need to- and you might be surprised. Don’t feel like you need to be interested in everything, or even anything. This is about personal desire, curiosity, comfort level, and a willingness to be open. For one, buying  a pink dildo might be great, while for another, a small packet of cherry-flavored body butter is as daring as she has ever been. Both great, moving at their own pace.

And, like with masturbation don’t worry about this making regular sex not enjoyable. It’s simply adding another dimension to your intimacy and your level of comfort with sex. Do be aware, most of these sites to sell videos we would consider pornography, but its easy to avoid if you wish to. Simply don’t click on the adult videos links, and you should be fine. In the stores, videos are usually relegated one one part of the store, and are easy to avoid if you wish to. Don’t equate sex toys with pornography- they are not synonymous.

A few recommendations:

Good Vibrations– an online store catering to women

Eden Fantasy– another online store

Even Amazon has a sex department. I bet you didn’t know that. And then your package has the benefit of coming in an anonymous Amazon box and no one will ever be the wiser!

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34 Responses to “Masturbation 101”

  1. Lola June 21, 2011 at 8:17 pm #

    I told my husband that like you a bishop had never asked me about masturbation and he was shocked. I guess as a teenager he was asked more than once, and just thought it was a normal part of the interview. He said it didn’t stop until he left on a mission. Though I confessed to doing it to my bishop once, I can’t imagine him coming out and asking me about it.

  2. PTSDandPostAbortionSyndromeRecovery June 21, 2011 at 9:05 pm #

    I’m not LDS but I am a Christian and I concur. It is a part of normal sexual development and I feel it is better to do it than burn or have sex out of wedlock. (Been single for 15 years.) I did a study once.

    Did you know that the vibrator was invented in the 1600’s by a medical doctor. Women used to die young and doctors found that if that certain type of human fluid stopped women died young. They used to have women lined up in their lobby to get taken care of because it helped their health! Imagine. A frustrated tired doctor invented a spring loaded vibrator so he could help more women to not die young or be sick or terribly nervous during the change of life. This is FACT – look it up if you don’t believe me. It wasn’t until the 1960’s when Valium became a common drug to help “nervous” (or frustrated) women when medical doctors stopped the practice of helping women out (widows or those whose husbands were not helping). I know this is a touchy subject but I thought if you had a true history you might have some backup. The Pharmacutical industry has suppressed these facts and more and more nervous/anxious or psychotic drugs have taken the place of this practice that had been common since the 1600’s!

    My own mother had nervous issues when she started through the change that could have been taken care of my a vibrator but the doctor put her on Valium. She went to bed, became very depress and slept a lot while I, the oldest, took care of the rest of the kids. Not her fault, just the drugs.

    Hope this helps your blog to get going on this subject. I’ll subscribe. One of my fave subjects.

    Abigail

  3. Eliza R June 21, 2011 at 10:34 pm #

    sister fanny, this is a brilliant post. thank you.

  4. Lucy W June 21, 2011 at 10:50 pm #

    Great post!

    Lesseeeeee bishops and asking about masturbation. Had a “trial run” temple recommend interview (at my request) and he hedged around about that and I just flipped it off with a, “Oh, that’s just a sleeping pill.” He said, “Uh, okay, don’t do that.”

    But then we got into it about his basic misunderstanding of the atonement and that’s when it turned into a war zone.

  5. Lucy W June 21, 2011 at 10:54 pm #

    Hi, Abigail and welcome.

    I don’t know about the 1600s and fluid collection and all, but I do know the Victorians had some crazy sex toys.

    Sex toy history is about as old as the human race.

  6. Fanny A June 21, 2011 at 11:05 pm #

    Oh yeah, those crazy Victorians and curing women of their hysterics. A good vibrator did the trick, imagine that!

    And yeah, I think they’ve excavated sex toys in very very old archeological sites.

    Welcome Abigail!

  7. Moriah Jovan June 21, 2011 at 11:14 pm #

    Ha! A friend of mine wrote a short story based on Victorian hysteria. It’s free: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/561

  8. Anna June 21, 2011 at 11:16 pm #

    i believe the official name of that particular cure was “pelvic massage”

  9. PTSDandPostAbortionSyndromeRecovery June 23, 2011 at 3:16 pm #

    But in my long post the main point is that this practice only stopped sometime in the 50s or 60s when the American Pharmceutical Association came up with Valium and other tranquilizers to appease women instead of using the old tried and true methods that worked through the ages. And NOW masterbation is made out to be taboo when it is a necessary thing to keep women, especially those going through the change, healthy and alive. Abi

  10. ohkj June 23, 2011 at 7:46 pm #

    In the words of Karen Walker from “Will and Grace,”: “That was one smooth talkin’ shower head.” Let us not underestimate that gem!

  11. Anon July 13, 2011 at 12:54 am #

    My wife and I found this site a few days ago and we have been reading some of the posts. Tonight I read through some of the posts of masturbation. Both my wife and I started masturbating as early as 10 or 11. I realized early on that the church looked down on this. My father was the bishop and I had regular interviews with him. It was the constant confession through my teenage years, ” Sorry dad, I am working on it”. My wife and I have not masturbated since we have been married, and we really have not thought about it much until reading these posts. I have been trying to wrap my brain around my thoughts. I believe my problem, yes I will call it a problem, with masturbation as a teenager was that I had no control. I was addicted to pornography and addicted to masturbation. I totally agree that masturbation is natural and in most cases fine if not good to do( still coming to terms with that). I believe the church comes down hard(calls it a sin) on masturbation because it is so often accompanied by pornography. Looking back in my case, I do not feel guilty about the actual masturbation, I feel guilty that I had lost control, I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. That I believe is the sin, and the pornography, which is beyond addictive. My wife has similar feelings on this subject. Now as parents, I am having a hard time deciding in what direction to teach my kids concerning masturbation. I know they will do it, but I don’t want them to become a slave to it like I was, I especially don’t want them to have anything to do with pornography. Unfortunately, they have already been exposed to it, pornography that is, and I do not like the effects.

    I honestly can’t tell you, whether masturbation has helped or hindered our sexual relationship. I do know, my wife and I have been very open and communicative concerning our sexual feelings and desires. We have been married for over ten years and continue to explore and find new ways to improve our sex life. And I believe we have a very healthy one at that. And who knows, maybe someday down the line we might incorporate masturbation into it (I still need to figure out exactly where my feelings are concerning all that).

    Thanks for reading my post, and I look forward to commenting again.

  12. Lucinda M. July 13, 2011 at 10:18 am #

    “I believe my problem, yes I will call it a problem, with masturbation as a teenager was that I had no control. I was addicted to pornography and addicted to masturbation.”

    I have to admit that I have a hard time with this statement. You were a kid and just about every kid that discovers porn is going to look at it. Especially in a culture that forbids any mention of sex.

    “Addicted” is a strong word to use. People are addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling. Those things destroy lives and families. Porn is (imo) so different. It’s definitely something that one can spend too much time engaging in (just as facebook and blogs are) but it wont kill you, destroy your health, or get you into massive, uncontrollable debt.

    A teenager that likes to look at porn and diddle himself (even if it’s every day) seem like a perfectly natural response to an emerging sexuality. Especially when he’s got a nearly constant boner. 🙂

    I grew up in a home where sex, drugs and alcohol were done in the open. And I still looked at porn. It’s interesting and we’re curious creatures. The unknown and forbidden is so enticing.
    Even as an adult, I’ll watch all sorts of porn just because I’m curious about how other people “do it”. And sometimes I’ll watch it for the turn on. I’m happy to say that I’ve learned quite a few things.

    I’m not addicted. Though… there are many pious folks who would label me as addicted just because I’ve looked/look at it.

    I wish the best for you and your wife. Thank you for participating.

  13. amelia July 13, 2011 at 12:24 pm #

    I agree with Lucinda M. that “addiction” is a strong word to apply to either porn or masturbation. That said, there is such a thing as sex addiction, and I’m sure it could manifest in part through either masturbation or porn consumption. I think, however, it’s really important not to be extreme in understanding what that would mean. A behavior is only an addictive behavior if it is disruptive to one’s own life or to the lives of those around you, if it does you harm or does harm to those with whom you have relationships. Now this becomes a bit of a hairy question when someone has internalized the idea that any masturbation or any porn consumption is sinful. If so, then consuming porn or masturbating could become a harmful practice. Which is why I think it’s really important to establish healthy ideas about both masturbation and porn, rather than really extreme ideas.

    In other words, I could easily see how a Mormon could look back on a past practice of masturbating and consuming porn as addictive if it interfered with his/her spiritual health. But I think the best way to address that problem is not just to label the behavior as addictive and to be shunned, but to instead redevelop a healthier understanding of porn and masturbation than the one the church currently espouses. Masturbation is not a problematic practice unless it actually has become a form of sex addiction that interferes with the ability to function normally in one’s world. As such, it’s my opinion the church should not attempt to forbid masturbation as a means of preventing other behaviors it thinks it might lead to (either porn consumption or premarital sex, for instance). As for porn–well, I think the all or nothing attitude the church takes is troubling. I think it makes more problems than it solves. And I’m a big believer that making its consumption, when in appropriate circumstances, less illicit would do a lot to make it a less disruptive behavior.

  14. Moriah Jovan July 13, 2011 at 1:28 pm #

    I think we need to redefine addiction here. Anon is defining it one way which doesn’t seem to jibe with any official definition.

    @Anon, I get the vibe from your post that what you see as addiction may just be normal teenage dude stuff. Obviously I can’t know, but that’s the vibe I get.

    I have a similar thing: When I was a teenager, I thought I was hugely fat. (Well, my grandmother made sure I knew I was hugely fat.) I never thought any different until I was in my late 20s, early 30s, when I saw a picture of myself at 16. I started to cry. I was AT MOST 20 pounds overweight, 20 pounds I could’ve easily lost if someone had redefined “fat” for me and given me some useful guidance. I was a teenager. What did I know but what I was told? If I’m constantly told it’s hopeless and I’m too far gone (but “you better lose weight” at the same time), I’m going to believe it’s hopeless no matter what.

    So the parallel I’m drawing here is that sometimes it takes time and an objective look at the past with some different (more helpful) definitions of addiction.

    HTH.

  15. Sylvia L. July 13, 2011 at 1:30 pm #

    I add my agreement here. Before I had sex (at 30) and before I looked at porn (at 31, not kidding, some how I just never got shown it before and never looked at it) I was worried that somehow allowing myself to do either of these things would lead to a raging addiction that would destroy me. Imagine my surprise, when little by little I did these things I did not have some horrific addiction that kept me from functioning. Sometimes I still worry about porn because I end up looking at it a couple times a month and I worry that that is too much…but now that I’ve let go a lot of my church issues and spirituality issues and guilt issues I’m absolutely fine with looking at it, with the sex I have, with my desire to masturbate when it arises. It all seems pretty natural to me now.

  16. Anon July 13, 2011 at 3:01 pm #

    I appreciate everyone’s comments. I guess addiction was a strong word to use. The point I was trying to get across was that I felt like I did not have control, I was not free to choose. I understand that most(maybe too general) people here feel that masturbation and watching pornography are natural and healthy things(I disagree with the pornography). But for me at that time in my life, it was frustrating that I could not control those desires. I only stopped masturbating when I got married. I wish I could say more and express my feeling and thoughts better, but I am new to the world of blogging and critical writing. I know I will get better at it with time. I will but some more thought into all this and maybe post something latter.

  17. Lucy W. July 13, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    @Anon

    I understand that most(maybe too general) people here feel that masturbation and watching pornography are natural and healthy things(I disagree with the pornography).

    I personally would not to go so far as to say pornography is natural and healthy*, but I will say that it’s hard to look away from if you’ve not been exposed to it, and a teenage dude just discovering himself isn’t going to be able to look away. I think that’s NORMAL, even if I don’t think they’re natural or healthy.

    (*That is not a statement on my feelings of pornography, which are highly conflicted.)

  18. Eliza R. July 13, 2011 at 4:00 pm #

    chiming in here on the topic of masturbation.. I had similar feelings to Anon when I was a masturbating as a single women in the church (well, and after I got married too. Marriage didn’t ‘cure’ it).

    A horrible sense of not being able to control it.

    Ironically, it was very similar to my relationship, at that time, to food. I had an eating disorder and a HORRIBLE sense of not being able to control a very unhealthy bingeing/purging cycle.

    I tie both of those to unnatural and unhealthy ideas of “how I was supposed to be”.

    My body image was tied to an unnatural concept of physical perfection, and my sexual identity was tied to an unnatural concept of sexual purity.

    Neither eating, nor masturbating are the problems. It is the other layers of social conditioning, guilt, expectation, etc that start to creep in and do horrible things to our thought patterns. IMHO.

  19. Patty B. July 14, 2011 at 12:06 am #

    Anon,

    I really appreciate you contributing here. I’m sure there are many members of the Mormon community who feel similarly to you. And it’s important to us that everyone feel welcome to contribute and like this is a safe and accepting space. So thanks for commenting and I hope you’ll continue to do so.

    I understand where you’re coming from when you use the word “addiction” to describe the feeling of not being in control of your sexual appetite and/or behaviors as a teen who masturbated and consumed porn. I do like Sister Eliza’s comparison of her body image issues when she was a teenager to your teenage experience with masturbation and porn. I think that hindsight from a healthier space can help a lot with coming to terms with past behaviors and then being able to move forward into better practices. And it does sound like you and your wife have built a healthy and rewarding sex life, which is important. And, I think, not always easy for someone who experienced guilt associated with their teenage sexual explorations.

    I think your question about how to help your kids is a really important one and maybe it’s something we can tackle in a separate post sometime. I would say that I think it’s important to be open and honest with children about sex starting pretty early in their lives. If it were me, I’d just very directly explain that it’s normal to touch one’s own genitals but that it’s not okay for others to do so without permission and that even then it shouldn’t happen until they’re grown up. And that when you do touch yourself, it will likely feel very good and that that’s okay. As for porn, I would tell them it exists. I would explain that while it can be exciting to look at, it’s not very realistic and that it’s better not to spend time looking at it because it can cause us harm. I personally believe that a lot of the power porn has to do harm arises out of its status as an illicit substance of sorts and when you take it out of that sphere, you remove some of its power. I also would not make the naked human body taboo. I’m not much for walking around naked, even when living alone. But I have nudes hanging on my walls. I watch movies with nudity. I frequent art museums with nude paintings and sculptures. I’m not offended by the human body and I fully intend to make sure my kids (if I ever have any) know that. I think making the nude human body a normal thing, rather than a scandalously salacious thing, can also go a long way to denying porn some of its harmful power.

  20. bananas July 14, 2011 at 1:43 pm #

    patty – i quite like your approach of hanging artistic nudes on the wall. it de-fetishizes nudity and elevates it as art at the same time. i am also not entirely comfortable just walking around naked in front of children (at least children over the age of two or three), but hanging nudes seems like a great idea.

  21. UtahMark July 15, 2011 at 8:17 am #

    Unfortunately I don’t remember where, but I read recently about a study that had concluded that 2-4% of those who view pornography develop the classic symptoms of an addiction. They noted that this is similar to the percentage of those who drink alcohol who show signs of alcohol addiction. In my church callings I have counseled with people who definitely seemed, in my unprofessional opinion, to have a very real addiction to pornography. And I counseled with many more who occasionally viewed pornography but didn’t have an addiction to it. I think the reason so many in the church view it as highly addictive is that many have little or no experience with it themselves, so they tend to think of it in terms of the horror stories they’ve heard about people with serious problems.

  22. Lucy W. July 15, 2011 at 10:40 am #

    @UtahMark, let me ask you this: Would you say that the mechanism and rate of addiction is about constant and only the vehicle changes? So for instance, a person who is addicted to pornography (I’m assuming this addiction results in masturbation, which then triggers the orgasmic high and that is actually what’s addicting? might be a stretch) would, if given the exposure, be addicted to gambling, alcohol, drugs, or something else? (And IMO, sugar is the only addiction we as a culture are not encouraged to avoid (indeed, very few people recognize sugar as an addiction, or even give it a second thought.)

  23. UtahMark July 15, 2011 at 11:15 am #

    Good question, Lucy, and I don’t have the academic knowledge to answer it. I have known a few individuals who seemed to be very susceptible to addictions of all kinds, so I think in some cases there is a general tendency toward addiction. But I don’t know if that’s common among those suffering from addictions or if these individuals are the exceptions.

    In my own case I have never tried most of those potentially addicting substances and activities. I do enjoy pornography and masturbation now and then, but these are not addictions in my case because I often go several weeks without even thinking about them. There was a time when I was a teenager when I was masturbating every day and kind of felt as though I was addicted to it. But I stopped once I decided I wanted to stop, so I think it was more like you said in your 7/13 comment, just a normal teenage reaction.

  24. Lucy W. July 15, 2011 at 11:24 am #

    @UtahMark Thanks. I only ask because I know that I have an addictive personality. If I had ever acquired a taste for alcohol AND not had the WoW restrictions against it, I would be a falling-down drunk in a gutter somewhere right about now.

  25. UtahMark July 15, 2011 at 11:34 am #

    @Lucy W. That mental image made me laugh. I’m glad you haven’t let that become the reality of your life. I’ve wondered the same thing about myself. I really like grape juice, and I’ve wondered if I could have become an alcoholic if I’d ever tried wine. But then again, I really like sex too, and I haven’t become a sex addict even though I’ve tried that many times.

  26. KaralynZ July 15, 2011 at 5:07 pm #

    I don’t think it’s *that* funny – my husband is the same way. His depression and the way he deals with stress mean he would probably be an alcoholic, and a violent one at that. I am very, very thankful that he made a commitment early in his life not to ever drink.

    Porn doesn’t seem to be an issue for him, but other things have been addictions at times. (World of Warcraft anyone?)

    I made the comment once that addictions to things like video games can be hard enough to break without the added physical component of addiction to break. I imagine how you use porn makes a difference. I you always use porn to masturbate to orgasm and you do it regularly then your brain is going to associate porn with that physical “high” of orgasm and I imagine the addiction is easier to slip into.

  27. Lucy W. July 15, 2011 at 5:53 pm #

    (World of Warcraft anyone?)

    I do, in fact, know of a marriage destroyed by the husband’s obsession with gaming (didn’t matter which).

    Anyhoo, I find myself online way too much and wanting to be online whenever I’m not. Now, I’m self-employed in and I work at a computer and need internet connection, so it’s a bit of a struggle. But I’ve begun turning off my internet connection when I can work without it and going to the library where it’s either sketchy or nonexistent. So it’s a problem and I recognize it and I’m working on it.

  28. UtahMark July 18, 2011 at 9:06 pm #

    @Lucy W., a few years ago I found myself spending too much time online or wishing I was online. I ended up making a commitment to myself that I would not get online at times when I could be with my wife or kids. So that means I’m only online when I’m home alone (which is rare), when I’m on a business trip (which is a couple of days every other month), or when I have a few minutes break at work. That’s worked well for me. But I understand it’s much more difficult in a situation like yours where you’re self-employed and probably have a somewhat less structured schedule than some of us.

  29. SingleE August 1, 2011 at 12:13 pm #

    I’ve meant to reply to this post for awhile, but haven’t gotten “a round tuit” yet. 🙂 Also, since I saw someone else posting as “E”, I thought I’d better differentiate myself. I’m the Single E. 😀

    And as a single, 40-something RM, recommend-holding LDS sister (who just got a new calling in the Sr. Primary), I’d like to just come out and say it:

    I masturbate. I started in my early teens, quite for a decade because I was taught that it was a sin (served a mission during that time), started up again in my mid twenties (I like to call those my “rebellious years since I “experimented” with a few things no good Mormon girl would try.), and though I have gone through cycles of abstaining from it, I’ve pretty much been a “chronic masturbator” ever since. I’d stop long enough to feel “worthy enough” to get a temple recommend, then go another few months, and start up again. My guilt level would keep me from doing it too often, but then I hit my 30s and my sex drive went through the roof. More frustration and more guilt for “giving in” to my “base urges.” I didn’t think I’d ever really be able to quit, to be a truly “good girl”–to be worthy.

    It’s been that way since just a couple months ago, actually. I’ve been doing some major introspection, some praying, and have had some natural force healing sessions (by a non-active LDS woman, which is a whole nuther, very sad story.), which have lead me to an epiphany: that there’s nothing wrong with masturbation, by itself.And therefore, I can do it *and still be worthy.* What a weight that was lifted off my shoulders when I realized this! I don’t feel guilty anymore.

    And I bought my first two “toys” recently. The first one was *meh*. But it was my very first purchase of that nature, and I think it will help make visits to the gyno more comfortable (because, despite my experimentation in my twenties, I didn’t have intercourse. Still “technically” a virgin. And those pelvic exams HURT!) The second toy…

    Well. If you guys ever post a thread specifically about sex toys, I will chime in like BELLS about the second one. 😀

  30. Whitney August 1, 2011 at 6:50 pm #

    Single E,
    Why wait for a thread specifically about toys? 🙂 What’s the second one called? Maybe you could post a link to a website selling it?

  31. SingleE August 1, 2011 at 7:04 pm #

    Good point, Whitney. The second one is the Lelo Nea. Its called a “pleasure object,” and it’s just lovely, in several ways. The Lelos are like the luxury automobiles of sex toys, and are spendy. The little Neo was about $100 @ Lover’s package. But you can find them cheaper online. I highly recommend! http://www.lelo.com is the official website. Lots of different toys, for singles and couples, and men as well as women.

  32. UtahMark August 5, 2011 at 2:52 pm #

    SingleE, I’ve had a somewhat similar journey. I started masturbating when I was 12. When I was 14 I was taught that it was bad, and I struggled to stop. I finally managed to stop when I was 16 and didn’t do it again for quite a few years. But in the last couple of years I’ve come to the conclusion that if it’s wrong, it’s not a very big deal, and I’ve stopped worrying about it. It brings me joy and helps make up for the differences in sex drive between me and my wife. I feel that as long as I’m not letting it take anything from my relationship with my wife, it’s not a problem.

  33. Jorge 5 October 4, 2012 at 1:13 pm #

    Does anyone know if the church even has an official opinion about masturbation for married people. The only thing I have ever seen is the “Strength for Youth” pamphlet that tells youth not to do it cause it prematurely awakens urges and desires not appropriate until one is married? Then the highly popular and church recommended book “Between Husband and Wife” implies that these same urges and desires are OK after one is married only with ones legally wedded spouse, but does not go as far as to use the actual word masturbation. The book also openly admits that our society (yes Mormons too) has done a poor job in the past about educating our youth that sex is good and Divinely mandated in marriage but instead teaching the majority of youth that sex is dirty and sinful. My own feelings tend to be similar to UtahMark’s post on Aug 5, 2011.

  34. Astonished December 7, 2012 at 8:21 pm #

    Ladies, if your husbands regularly viewed porno how does that make you feel?

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