Keep Those Shoulders Covered, Young Lady.

17 Jun

http://www.newcoolthang.com/index.php/2011/06/tell-the-yw-to-be-modest-for-the-ym/2732/

Thanks to Sister Eliza for the heads up.

 

Discuss.

 

 

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12 Responses to “Keep Those Shoulders Covered, Young Lady.”

  1. Eliza R June 17, 2011 at 2:10 pm #

    geoff says: “So the reason for YW to dress and behave modestly is indeed to communicate with the YM they encounter daily. Not just the Mormon young men but all of the men they encounter. The same is true for the YM dressing and behaving modestly ‚ÄĒ for them to communicate that they are not in the market for a sexual partner.”

    I am not on the market for a sexual partner: my husband beds me frequently and well thank you very much. (Plus, I have a good amount of sex with myself.) Not on the market, thanks. I dress like a slut because I like how I look in sleeveless tops and short shorts. AND because I live in a hot desert location.

    Yeah, my husband enjoys it when I show the flesh, but it’s not for him I dress this way.

    Yeah, I get a lot of looks from men and they are extra nice to me when I’m wearing the tiny sundress, but it’s not for them I wear it.

    It’s for me. It’s comfy, it’s airy, it is an awesome shade of yellow. And I like how I look.

    imho LDS leadership pre-occupation with chastity causes more sexual problems for the YM than my bare shoulders.

  2. Lucy W June 17, 2011 at 2:46 pm #

    Thank you, Sister Eliza. I feel the same.

    As I’m not looking for a sexual partner, either, I dress for me and my husband. I want a) my husband to lust after me and b) give him a boost by knowing that other men want his wife.

  3. Lucy W June 17, 2011 at 2:49 pm #

    I heard this story at BYU (I can’t remember the context, sorry):

    An RM went to pick up a girl he had asked out on a date. When he saw that she was dressed enticingly (I don’t remember what this entailed) (which she had done for him), he requested she go back in her house and dress more modestly. She came back with long sleeves and long skirt. He smiled and said, “You look so much more beautiful that way.”

    At the time, I had conflicting feelings about this. On the one hand, IIRC, she wasn’t immodestly dressed for “the world.” So I remember it struck me that he was being unreasonable. On the other hand [the way the story was told to me], he was trying to be respectful of her and her body and it was kinda sweet and romantic.

    As I look back on it, I can still think it’s got a sweet and romantic bent to it, but I know that if it had happened to me, I would have told him to go eat egg shells. The girl had one expectation. The boy had another.

    I also suspect that if the boy had been freshly off his mission, his view would have been clouded by post-mission religious ecstasy and probably would’ve worn off in another few months, making his expectations more in line with hers.

    I doubt that’s a relationship that would’ve lasted beyond one date, in any case.

  4. Lucy W June 17, 2011 at 2:58 pm #

    What I mean to say is: I’m not going to say he was WRONG. He was expressing his preferences, which the girl should’ve taken as a clue as to his suitability for HER.

    I’m also saying his preferences might have changed, but then again, some men like their women to cover up so only they know what’s underneath. See: burkas.

  5. Eliza R June 17, 2011 at 3:00 pm #

    lucy~ yeah, I guess I should at the caveat that I LOVE that my spouse finds me attractive and sensual. And frequently, I *DO* dress up to please him.

    Have you read this post? I love this opener: “Men are attracted to what they have access to. Sexy is all about proximity.” DH finds me sexy in an old ratty tshirt and a pair of his boxers, simply because I am lying in bed next to him and am ever so happy to have sex with him ūüôā

  6. Eliza R June 17, 2011 at 3:05 pm #

    this reminds me a tiny bit (slight shift in subject, but similar) of that story I heard from the pulpit once (Elder Bednar I think) about the RM who decided to stop dating a young woman because she continued to wear a second earring after the official admonition against such adornment.

    to be honest, I have a huge aversion to *both* stories. But I must try to be gentle in how I judge others expressions of preferences.

  7. Lucy W June 17, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

    I do think that once we start seeing these things as expressions of preference (however it’s derived), we can more fully appreciate the diversity of what it means to be sexually attractive.

    In our culture, we generally don’t date just to have fun. We date to find a mate. Every activity with a member of the opposite sex is heavy with the knowledge that we’re looking for marriage. We have to figure out what preferences align as fast as possible so as to get to the altar in a timely fashion. One big preference off, and there are probably no more dates to find out if it was that big a deal.

    So in keeping with the theme of the blog, which I think is to be open about preferences, yes, I do think those things have to be taken into account and respected as preferences.

  8. Eliza R June 17, 2011 at 3:22 pm #

    Lucy~ very well put. Individual personal preferences for adornment and dress as merely another way of gauging compatibility and mutual interest.

    For me it’s the element of self-righteous judgment that I am adverse to. Looking down upon the [sinful] immodestly dressed woman or the rebellious woman with the extra earring. (or: the guy with the long hair, or who doesn’t wear a white shirt to church. Or who has an earring himself.)

    but that can be a blurry line in and of it’self: distinguishing between judgment calls personal preference.

  9. Eliza R June 17, 2011 at 3:26 pm #

    (what I mean to say is, I’ll try to refrain from being too judgmental myself. Yah.)

  10. Lucy W June 17, 2011 at 3:28 pm #

    distinguishing between judgment calls personal preference.

    YES!

    Which is why I suspect the young man in my example may have changed over time if he realized which it was: judgment or preference, and then proceeded accordingly.

  11. amelia June 18, 2011 at 10:34 pm #

    Why I Dress Sexily:

    1. I like the way I feel when I look sexy. First and foremost. I feel powerful and beautiful and strong. I strut. I know I can do anything, win every business deal, make witty and intelligent conversation, connect with people.

    2. How I dress is an expression of my self. All of my self. And part of my self is sexual. Why should that part of me not have some role to play in how I present myself to the world?

    3. I like male attention. I am flattered when men are sexually attracted to me. There are certain kinds of expressions of that attraction that I prefer, and I can often use how I dress to elicit those kinds of expressions (e.g., I don’t sport thigh high patent leather stilettos; I do show a bit of cleavage while sporting a professional wardrobe).

    4. It’s not my job to keep men’s thoughts in line. And there’s actually nothing wrong with men having a sexual response to the women they encounter (just as there is nothing wrong with women having a sexual response to the men they see; or two members of the same sex). Why do we treat having a sexual response to those around us as if it’s somehow naughty or to be avoided at all costs?

    5. I am looking for a partner, since I’m single and would like to someday marry. So I do dress in a way that will attract the kind of men I’m interested in. But there’s no way in hell that it would be accurate to reduce my choices about clothing and appearance to signaling my sexual availability, which is what the post over at New Cool Thang does. I don’t do much of *anything* just because of what it might help me accomplish in finding a partner.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Body Parts « Missionary Position - June 17, 2011

    […] Since¬†Lucinda¬†gave the heads up¬†about the modesty convo going on over at New Cool Thang, I have decided I simply MUST share this absolutely FABULOUS blog post¬†written by Kristine, about Body Image, Marriage, Nudity, and Sexuality. ¬†About nudist beaches and fearing a boudoir¬†photography session. ¬†About aging and how our bodies change over time. ¬†About how we judge other’s bodies, and about intimacy with the ones we love.¬† […]

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