being broken, getting bigger

27 May

A few years ago I found myself developing a friendship that I knew was going to break my heart

Knowing that didn’t keep me from jumping in.  I wanted this, I needed this.

Instead, the mental note I made to myself was that I needed to make my life bigger.  So that when it all when to hell and I was left broken and hurting, I would have enough support to fall back on.

It was a wonderful, painful, life-changing emotional roller-coaster of a relationship.  And yes, it did eventually break my heart.  It hurt like nothing else. But I survived it and ultimately, I can say I am so grateful, even for that pain.  That hurting was a valuable part of the growth.  The making of a bigger life.

Make your life bigger. Bigger, even if there is no relationship. Bigger than any one relationship. Bigger.  Here’s a few things I did (and/or wished I had done)  concurrent with the developing relationship and during/after the breaking hurting phase:

  • ~Find things that *you* like to do.  That *you* excel at.  Both hobbies for fun and also professional development.
  • ~You might find yourself doing things because he/she likes them, is interested in them.  THIS IS OKAY.  Similar interests may be what brought you together in the first place.  Or, it may be that your interest in that person increased your interest in things they are interested in.  THIS IS OKAY.  Just try to be very honest with yourself about your motivations. Acknowledge them. Embrace them.
  • ~You might find yourself doing things because he/she HATES them.  THIS IS OKAY.  Just try to be honest with yourself about your motivations.  Acknowledge them.  Embrace them.
  • ~Be good to your body.  Get enough sleep.  Eat healthy.  Get physical activity.
  • ~Get out!  Out of the house. Out of the routine.  Out of your head. (My head became a very scary place when it all went down.  Movies, books, friends all helped.)
  • ~Develop friendships outside of the relationship.  It’s easy to get totally absorbed in a relationship and lose contact with everyone else.  Develop mutual friends.  Maintain old friendships.  Cultivate local friends (drinking & exercise buddies are ESSENTIAL for me. {Yes, I’m *that* kind of Mormon}.) Embrace online friendships (twitter is ESSENTIAL for me).  Be a good Sister/daughter/niece/aunt/mother/wife/etc.  (Ditto for you XY types too)

Okay, there’s a lot more where that came from, but that’s the short list just off the top of my head.  The bottom line is that YOU ARE AWESOME.  You, just you.  Even if someone who made you feel special is no longer making you feel special. It can be VERY easy to feel so un-awesome when a relationship goes down the drain.  But that is a LIE. You_are_amazing and your life is worth making as big as it can be.

There you go.  Have a nice day!

Advertisements

2 Responses to “being broken, getting bigger”

  1. Liz June 6, 2011 at 10:50 pm #

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for this! I wish I had this months ago when I was going through a similar experience.

    I just discovered this blog through BCC, but it seems you have already discovered Scholaristas. I look forward to reading. Thank you for being a voice in discussions of Mormonism and sexuality. It’s so important!

  2. Eliza R June 17, 2011 at 2:53 pm #

    liz! (sorry for the belated response). You are so very welcome. And sending thoughts of support to you, and *anyone* who has to deal the the breaking of a relationship.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: