finding my clitoris

22 May

By way of introduction: I”m a raised-in-the-church-but-now-non-believing thirty-something female, partnered for 10 years to an LDS man, mother to one.  And no I do not have a temple recommend, so feel free to take whatever I say with as much salt as you need.  Hi, nice to meet you! 😉

I got a Brazilian bikini wax a few months ago (yes, ouch.  But  I’ve been maintaining it every month and it’s much less ouchy now that the initial bush whacking has taken place.)

After my Partner of 10 years got over the shock, his next reaction (after sex) was “hey, I think I finally figured out where your clitoris is!”  (Yes.  It was particularly nice sex.)

This was brought to mind reading Fanny’s excellent post on ignorance and virtue, and wincing especially at the “close her eyes, it wouldn’t last long” part.

The feeling I had growing up was that my vagina was dirty. Ugly. Smelled bad. Etc.   In a way, I think the intended message of “it’s special, it’s sacred” is kinda like the LDS approach to Heavenly Mother: so sacred we don’t talk about her and she becomes taboo. (Though, thankfully, that taboo seems to be easing up a bit.)   The vagina is pretty taboo in our culture.  But really, it’s just like any other part of my body and has it’s own special requirements for hygiene and maintenance (you know, like flossing your teeth, trimming your nails, waxing unsightly facial hair, etc.)  My vagina flourishes under the attention and loves me back.  (More about masturbation [yes, I do] and sex in another post.)

It’s been a work in progress, it takes a bit of doing to de-program the feelings of “Dirty, shameful, ugly”.  A Brazilian bikini wax is NOT a required part of the process.  It’s just something I wanted to do, for me.

There are so many things that have been said on this topic, if I was on top (heheh) of it I’d have assembled a nice collection of resources and quotes and histories to share with you here.  But I’m a bit rushed at the moment, so I am just putting this out here now to start a discussion:

~What are your own experience and feelings towards your body and your sexual organs?  What has helped?

Now, to end, I”m not going to embed any of the images here, but I LOVE Betty Dodson’s pencil Vulva Illustrations.  They are graphic, explicit, anatomically correct, and, imho, beautiful.

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6 Responses to “finding my clitoris”

  1. mfranti June 5, 2011 at 11:16 am #

    Brave post. I respect your willingness to share your experience.

    That’s all I can say in this forum 🙂 . Thanks!

  2. elizaR June 5, 2011 at 11:02 pm #

    thank you 🙂

  3. sylvialyon June 6, 2011 at 4:42 pm #

    I love this post ElizaR. I think that I basically ignored my vagina for a large part of my life. It wasn’t seeing any action.It wasn’t getting married. So, I just kept it clean and “sacred” and waiting. I didn’t know that I had a clitoris until I was 25. And I basically thought that oral sex was phone sex (I’ll be writing a post on this later). I feel like I missed out on a lot of what it means to be human. I feel like I suppressed my sexuality for a long, long time (I did). But, with turning 30 and taking active control of my sexuality–exploring it and figuring it out–I feel like some of my repression and regression has ended. And, I think that steps like yours and others are all part of that goodness.

  4. elizaR June 7, 2011 at 9:25 am #

    Thanks sylvia. ❤

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Orgasm by the Numbers « Missionary Position - June 5, 2011

    […] Jun As an adjunct to elizaR’s post “finding my clitoris,” the infographic below the break has been going around for months. I first saw it on […]

  2. pubic hair freedom and sexual consent (more info and entertainment) « Missionary Position - June 5, 2011

    […] While I’m segueing, here:  regarding my Brazilian bikini waxing post, I decided i really must give a nod to one of Amanda Palmer’s latest little ditties… […]

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