I like being on top now.  A lot.  From the very beginning, I’ve felt completely comfortable with MM.  I’m sure this has something to do with being more comfortable with and accepting of myself than I ever have been before, but it also has to do with his wonderful capacity to just explore and discover who I am without imposing expectations.  And I think that has everything to do with my new-found taste for being on top.  I’ve stopped worrying about “doing it right” and instead have just let myself relax and enjoy it.  And I do. There’s nothing like a little cowgirl for getting the kind of deep penetration I love.  And, after an orgasm or two of my own, and getting him thoroughly worked up, it’s a great position in which to demand a little pleading for what he wants.*

And you? Do you enjoy a little cowgirl style sex (or a lot)?  Are there other positions you initially didn’t enjoy but have found yourself liking after trying them again?  What made the difference?

* For the record, I enjoy being the recipient of a little playful control as much as I enjoy exercising that same control.

Women, answer in the poll below, expound in the comments.

For our male readers, answer in the second poll based on your perceptions and expound in comments.

Women:

Men:

• Recent research indicates that about 80% of evangelicals age 18 to 29 admit to having premarital sex and that just under 88% of unmarried adults admit the same
• The tactics of abstinence only movements, such as wearing purity rings, signing virginity pledges, or participating in public purity pledge ceremonies, appear inadequate to combat challenges like “the saturation of sex in pop culture, the prevalence of pornography and a popular ‘do what feels good philosophy’”
• While average marriage age in the US has been rising, the marriage age in biblical times would have been significantly younger (and marriages were arranged) so young people wouldn’t have had to wait so long; and a related point the article doesn’t make: being subject to an arranged marriage would remove some of the autonomy involved, which seems to me would create a mindset in which one does not think of sex as something to be engaged in freely based on one’s own desires (especially for young girls)

The blog post ends by asking: “So what should a Christian parent or youth pastor do? How do they convince more young Christians to wait until marriage, or should they stop even trying?”  I’m interested in those questions, but I’m also interested in your perceptions of whether young Mormons are still waiting.  As a teenager I firmly believed that almost all of my peers were sexually abstinent.  I still believe a majority of them were, though I’m a bit more realistic now about recognizing that some of them were very likely sexually active.  But I just don’t feel like I have much of a sense of how common pre-marital sexual activity is amongst Mormons, whether teenage or adult.  Thoughts?

Oh that feeling… Holy damn, can love ever do a number on a person.

So my original idea was to come up with a whole list of music vids about love (and heartbreak, and angsty unrequited desire, etc) but I have no time.  And, anyways, I like hearing other people’s music suggestions anyways.

So please, do share!! what are your favorite songs about love? (either swooning or raging.  I like the raging ones most )

(and I’ll see about eventually putting them all together in a MMP ‘mix tape’ post.)

Here’s a suggestion: get a mirror, a nice big one, and hang it beside your bed.  Why?  Because it is damn hot to watch your partner and yourself in the middle of sex.  I discovered this by accident because MM rearranged some furniture and ended up leaning a mirror against the wall next to his bed to get it out of the way.  I didn’t really pay any attention at first, but the second or third time I was at his house, in his bed, I caught a glimpse of us in that mirror, naked, thrusting.  And it sent my temperature way up.  Now when I think of that mirror and us fucking in the bed next to it, it’s all I can do to not drop everything and head to his place for a little afternoon delight.

And you?  Have you found simple things that have (unexpectedly or not) ramped up the heat of your sexual encounters?

It was a new experience for me, giving a man a hand job while I was driving with the other hand (perhaps not the safest activity, but that’s not really what I’d like to discuss here).  And I thoroughly enjoyed doing it.  But I was surprised by my thoughts afterwards.  I’ve been sexually active for a long time now–off and on for the last decade.  I don’t really deal with guilt about it at all any more (though I did at a few points early on in my pre-marital sexual activity).  And I’m sexually adventurous.  There is no sexual activity I’ve engaged in that makes me feel guilty or like I’ve somehow not been a “good girl,” up to and including anal sex (which seems to be a pretty common no-no amongst even my most open-minded Mormon friends); and there are no sexual activities I completely rule out, except those that involve actual physical harm, urination, or defecation.  But after this particular experience, I found myself internally worrying what MM may think of me after I rubbed him off while driving over a mountain pass.  Would he be disgusted by how much I wanted sex?  By my willingness to throw aside all sense of decorum (I’m quite certain that giving your partner a hand job while you’re driving a car at 55 miles an hour doesn’t qualify as “decorous”) in pursuit of sexual engagement?  Would he think me less genteel, less than a lady?  Would he be put off enough that it sewed seeds of doubt about whether I was the kind of woman he wanted to be with?

As soon as I recognized the pattern of my thoughts, I talked to him about it.  Because we were still in the car and I’d rather talk about things like this than not.  And he assured me that not only was he not put off by the encounter, he both thoroughly enjoyed the encounter itself and loves how adventurous and slightly naughty I am where sex is concerned.  And that did the trick.  I stopped worrying that maybe I had revealed my true, wantonly un-lady-like colors and was just very glad that I’ve found a partner who appreciates my sexual appetite and whose appetite matches my own.  But I remained discomfited by the way that my Mormon upbringing still affected my perception of that encounter, especially given the fact that my other sexual activity with MM and my other partners has been guilt free for the better part of a decade.  It does make me a bit more sympathetic to the Mormons, active or not, who find themselves feeling guilt or self-loathing or worry about their partner’s perception of them when it comes to their sexual activities.

What about you?  Do you deal with feelings of guilt?  Or worry that your enjoyment of sexual activities, whether the most vanilla or those that are a bit more adventurous, might negatively affect your partner’s perception of you?  How do you cope with these feelings?

* Really this is a very bad idea, at least in terms of vehicular safety, and I shouldn’t have done it.  I know that.  No need to tell me again.

** This is likewise a very bad idea.  I suggest not attempting this, either.

Not one about sex. Not even referenced by a euphemism.

Not. One.

This is an honest post about how we feel and think about oral sex, and some tips for some for our sisters who might be squeamish or otherwise afraid to give it a go. Please join in the discussion in the comments- we’d love to hear from some men as well. There are no images with this post, but after the jump, there is frank, honest discussion. Consider yourself warned.

Ms. Scarlett: Okay sisters, I want to talk about this. I’m disturbed by the amount of LDS women I personally know who have admitted to me that they will not/do not have oral sex. What gives? Why? Is this a holdover from the 1980 when there was that letter bishops had for a while? That was more than 30 years ago now–why are women our ages not going down on their husbands?

Ms. Chartreuse: It took us… um… maybe 7 years of marriage before I went down on my husband–though I don’t remember the timing exactly. It was something we both were a bit nervous about.

Ms. Fuchsia: Also, it makes a huge difference if you LIKE doing it. I do, so I don’t really have much advice for women who don’t, or don’t know if they do. I don’t understand the “ick” factor we hear from some women.

Ms. Scarlett: Good point. I don’t want to make anyone feel as though they have to do something they genuinely don’t like–and I don’t get the “ick” thing at all–but I do hear about it from friends. What I want to do is help women feel comfortable enough to try this, and then decide if they like it.

Ms. Azure: I like doing it. I think it’s easy to like if you’re with a partner you trust who doesn’t have religious guilt. I don’t know.

Ms. Fuchsia: I am convinced this is a vestige of President Kimball’s short-lived ban on oral sex. Even if nothing is ever said, even if women don’t know about this–and the younger ones don’t–there’s something in the air or water that makes them “just know” this is wrong. Although… I’d be willing to be that a lot of women are willing to do it, and even like it, but would/could never admit, even under duress, and may feel guilty about it.

[Ed: For what it’s worth, there is no longer anything in any Temple Interview or Bishop’s Handbooks about oral sex- at all. It’s now considered- rightly so- to be a personal matter]

Ms. Scarlett: So how do you get started? First, I would suggest a good reading of our “Anatomy of a Penis” post from a while back. I think for all of us at this point, oral sex is just part of our natural sex life. But it clearly is not that way for everyone.

Ms. Fuchsia: Yesterday, knowing we were going to be talking about this, I kinda paid attention to how I do it, so I could return and report.

Ms. Scarlett: I look at it as just part of the dance of sex. Sometimes it’s the main attraction, sometimes it’s foreplay, sometimes it’s a quickie. If you’re not sure if your husband wants you to, or you have never tried, two thoughts: most men want it, and if you trust him (and really, if you’re in bed with someone, trust should probably be established) feel him out–ask him. Or just trail kisses down his body and lightly kiss on and around his penis–I promise you’ll be able to tell if he’s interested. Go slowly if you’re unsure, but we willing to explore a little and see what happens.

Ms. Fuchsia: Start by taking the head in your mouth and remember to breathe through your nose.

Ms. Scarlett: Yes, remembering to breathe is important. Relax if you can. Also, it’s a blow-job, not a vacuum. Sucking is important, but so is using your hands and licking and kissing. This is the tenderest part of a man’s body–caress him, stroke him, lick him–the chances are, if you enjoy it, he will too.

Ms. Fucshia: Yes–and use your hands–all the way down to the base of his penis. Move in rhythm with your licking and sucking. The glans needs attention from tongue, lips, and even lightly, (yes) teeth.

Ms. Scarlett: Explore. Watch him, look at his face as you kiss and suck on him–you can tell what feels good while you do this. Touch his balls, cradle them gently in the hand not wrapped around his shaft, if you can. Also- wet is good. Using a lubricant with your hands can feel wonderful- makes things slippery and slide-y.

Ms. Fuschia: Change things around too. Keep hold with your hand–this doesn’t stop–but take the head out of your mouth and run your tongue around the ridge under the glans, or up the underside of the penis where the ridge and the shaft meet.

Ms. Scarlett: Don’t worry about making orgasm your end-game either–this can end that way if you want it to–and if he’s new to it, it might not take long–but this can be foreplay too…

Ms. Fuschia: Yeah, my husband doesn’t come very easily on a blow-job, and he doesn’t really care about that as much as coming inside of me.

Ms. Chartreuse: My husband asked me if he could come in my mouth, and my first unfiltered reaction was of aversion. I’m ashamed to admit that. I didn’t say anything, but it was the expression on my face, and he immediately backed off the idea, though I was willing to try. We were both so new, having a hesitant partner was a buzzkill.

Ms. Fuchsia: My husband can’t come like this, so I’ve only swallowed once.

Ms. Scarlett: A few thoughts on that…first of all, swallowing or not is a personal choice. I think it depends on how comfortable you are, and how much you are enjoying yourself. If you’re nervous about it, you can almost always tell when its about to happen, or your husband can let you know, and you can finish a variety of ways–with your mouth and swallow or spit it out, with your hands and let it go, you can climb on and let him penetrate you and finish with regular sex. There is no right or wrong way.

Ms. Chartreuse: We do it more often now, but I admit I still have a slight aversion to the idea of him coming in my mouth–he never has. I love sucking and licking, but… just the idea of taking that amount of body fluid into my mouth is something I need to get over.

Ms. Scarlett: that brings up another topic–gagging. Staying relaxed really helps with this, but I know it can be a problem for some women. Not every man wants/needs to be deep-throated, and using your hands waylays the need to have him pressed deep in your throat.

Ms. Fuchsia: To help with gagging, you must a) open and relax you throat as if you are singing and b) make sure you are sucking with your cheeks sucked in and breathing through your nose. Gagging seems to only happen when I can’t breathe.

Ms. Scarlett: This makes it all sound so complicated, but really it’s a ton of fun, and I find it a huge turn-on, to be honest. I think relaxing and being comfortable with your partner and your own body are the keys.

Ms. Chartreuse: What about anal play? We’ve never gone there, but I might be interested, but am nervous too because of the mutual hesitation.

Ms. Azure: Me too. I think he wants me to, but we’ve never talked about it. I’m not opposed, I guess, I’m just haven’t ever done it, so I’m not sure what I’m doing. Do I bring it up and ask? Thoughts?

Ms. Fuschia: The prostate is like a dude’s g-spot. You can press on it with your finger or tongue right behind his scrotum. It’s not as intense as if you put your finger in his ass and touch the prostate, but a lot of men are squeamish about that. From what I gather though, it’s a mindblowing orgasm.

Ms. Azure: I get the feeling he’d like me to and he occasionally tries to do it to me, but my nervousness makes me sort of move away and I can’t relax.

Ms. Chartreuse: Seriously, sometimes I wish we could go try things on other more experienced partners and then come back together and try them with each other.

Ms. Scarlett: I’m kind of in the same boat about experimenting-not sure, but not closed-off either. This might be something I can work on with my partner– like Ms. Fuchsia says, and he might love it. We’ll have to explore that more.

In closing, here’s an informative article and short video on how to go down on a woman- it’s a fairly clean site without anything overtly offensive- at least on this page.

Alright MMP readers. Jump in and join the conversation.

A few excerpts:

“…disappointingly for Charla, the mother of two young children, even Brad thought the idea was a bit, well, unrealistic. She had been expecting whoops of delight and much punching of the ceiling when she told him of his gift. Instead, she got sheer bafflement.   Then, to my horror, he declined the whole thing, saying that he didn’t want me to feel that I had to have sex with him – like it was some sort of duty,’ says Charla. ‘He actually walked away from me, saying we would discuss it later. I was quite deflated….  She eventually convinced the skeptical Brad that her offer was bona fide, and in July 2006 they embarked on what she would eventually dub the Dance Of The Daily Deed….”

“…Charla is the most unlikely sex guru. Church-going and cookie-baking, she exudes wholesomeness. Physically, she admits to being ‘sturdily built’ and is on the wrong side of 40. I’m hardly a sex kitten,’ she says. ‘But then, how many people are? That is the point….”

“…We did have to sit down with the wall planner going: “Well, we have that PTA meeting on Wednesday and you are away for business on Thursday, so we’ll have to have sex on Monday evening and Tuesday morning. Brad was appalled at first. His view of sex was that it had to be spontaneous and of the moment.  I always thought that was rubbish. How can it be spontaneous in the middle of family life? So we had to compromise a bit. As it went on, I scheduled it, but tried not to make him aware of how much I was scheduling it…”

“The sex itself wasn’t a disaster and didn’t become jaded because of the frequency.  Far from it,’ says Charla. ‘Because we were having sex so often, it actually took the pressure off, which was really liberating.’”

“My self-confidence was greatly improved, too. I’d always been one of those women who told herself she would want sex more if she just lost 10lb and felt a bit more sexy. Now, I realize feeling sexy isn’t about being thin or gorgeous. My husband desired me as I was – it was just a case of accepting that….”

Anyhow, I am curious. I know at least a few of you have tried this, how is it going? Meanwhile, what is your take on the frequency of sex. Daily is obviously not everyone’s norm… what works for you? How have your own sexual routines settled (ie, do you have “that night of the week” or what?)

I encourage any of you who have MORE to say on the subject to please submit a guest post to mormonmissionaryposition@gmail.com

meanwhile… yah. another Flight of the Concords music video. How Can I resist?

That’s one way to test the waters of sexual experimentation.

This song just popped up on my shuffle and it reminded me of the exceptional recent guest post by KaralynZ.

Sometimes it’s not just initiating sex… sometimes it’s… wanting to try out a particular method/game/toy/etc that you want to approach your partner about… but really aren’t sure how to with out feeling embarrassed/vulnerable etc.

For example, it took us a good couple of years of marriage before we had oral sex.  It was just one of those things we were both a bit to embarrassed to broach the other about. Eventually, I just got up the nerve to go there during foreplay… but I was pretty nervous about it.

Maybe I should have written up a little ditty and sung it to him first.

Anyhow… how have you gone about finding out if your partner would be willing to try XYZ (or whatever)?