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“Can You Love Two Men at Once?”

13 Mar

That is the title of this Huffington post article, by Iris Krasnow (who wrote the book, as they say.)

It’s a subject close to my heart. I have “men friends” and, at times, the friendship has been very close. I have never been sexual with another man, but I have been flirty. And I have been very very emotionally attached. I’m not going to go into that right now. Instead, I’ll share a few excerpts from the article, while I process it a bit.

“The chapter on flirty friendships in my book “The Secret Lives of Wives” has prompted a deluge of mail from wives who swear by their boyfriends-with-boundaries, men they love in their hearts and not with their loins. These flirtations can spice up the gray corridors of a long marriage. Feeling sexually and cerebrally charged by others beyond a primary relationship is a natural response of the human animal. And when kept within limits, who can deny that it feels good?

Men we aren’t married to find us smart and extraordinary because they don’t live with us in the grind of ordinary life, with kids, mortgages and sinks strewn with toothpaste and their newly shaved facial hair. In old boyfriends, we find our lost youth; in new men friends, we get the endorphin rush of being on a first date. The trouble starts when sexual crackle between two people who aren’t married to each other erupts into a roaring bonfire love, an urgent attraction that is both dangerous and delicious.”

And this, her concluding thought:

“Fantasy is too often better than reality. A new boyfriend becomes an old boyfriend who probably shakes gross facial hair off his razor into the sink like that yucky husband of yours does. Holding a flirtation at arms length allows you to sustain the alluring mystery.”

Thoughts?

You forgot something, right?

24 Oct

Yesterday in Relief Society the lesson was on strengthening marriage. There were 10 bullet points, each on a slip of paper handed out before class to be read by a different sister. You know what I mean.

Not one about sex. Not even referenced by a euphemism.

Not. One.

Doing it Daily

10 Oct

There was an interesting conversation on another thread here, about having daily sex. While I like frequent sex, I had never really considered making something a goal, myself.  Gavin was the one who shared a link about Charla Muller’s gift to her husband on his 4oth birthday:  To have sex with him every day for a year!!

A few excerpts:

“…disappointingly for Charla, the mother of two young children, even Brad thought the idea was a bit, well, unrealistic. She had been expecting whoops of delight and much punching of the ceiling when she told him of his gift. Instead, she got sheer bafflement.   Then, to my horror, he declined the whole thing, saying that he didn’t want me to feel that I had to have sex with him – like it was some sort of duty,’ says Charla. ‘He actually walked away from me, saying we would discuss it later. I was quite deflated….  She eventually convinced the skeptical Brad that her offer was bona fide, and in July 2006 they embarked on what she would eventually dub the Dance Of The Daily Deed….”

“…Charla is the most unlikely sex guru. Church-going and cookie-baking, she exudes wholesomeness. Physically, she admits to being ‘sturdily built’ and is on the wrong side of 40. I’m hardly a sex kitten,’ she says. ‘But then, how many people are? That is the point….”

“…We did have to sit down with the wall planner going: “Well, we have that PTA meeting on Wednesday and you are away for business on Thursday, so we’ll have to have sex on Monday evening and Tuesday morning. Brad was appalled at first. His view of sex was that it had to be spontaneous and of the moment.  I always thought that was rubbish. How can it be spontaneous in the middle of family life? So we had to compromise a bit. As it went on, I scheduled it, but tried not to make him aware of how much I was scheduling it…”

“The sex itself wasn’t a disaster and didn’t become jaded because of the frequency.  Far from it,’ says Charla. ‘Because we were having sex so often, it actually took the pressure off, which was really liberating.’”

“My self-confidence was greatly improved, too. I’d always been one of those women who told herself she would want sex more if she just lost 10lb and felt a bit more sexy. Now, I realize feeling sexy isn’t about being thin or gorgeous. My husband desired me as I was – it was just a case of accepting that….”

Anyhow, I am curious. I know at least a few of you have tried this, how is it going? Meanwhile, what is your take on the frequency of sex. Daily is obviously not everyone’s norm… what works for you? How have your own sexual routines settled (ie, do you have “that night of the week” or what?)

I encourage any of you who have MORE to say on the subject to please submit a guest post to mormonmissionaryposition@gmail.com

meanwhile… yah. another Flight of the Concords music video. How Can I resist?

Guest Post: Initiating Sex

2 Oct

Commenter and MMP supporter KaralynZ has joined us for a guest post. Please welcome her and add your ideas to answer her questions in the comments.

While reading some of the blogs another poster had linked to, I read a couple of articles by a husband/wife blog team. There were a pair of posts, one by the husband and one by the wife, about “How to ask for more sex/how to offer more sex“. While interesting, I felt they just skimmed this topic and that the people at MMP would have a lot more to say.

Now with my husband and I, our sex drives are better matched than some couples, though not perfect. What I have found is an issue now though was not an issue when we first got married: Asking for sex. Continue reading

Keeping the Fire Stoked

9 Sep

We received a very nice letter from a reader who is a former bishop, and I will share part of his email:

…During the time I served as a bishop I found that there is a lot of stress caused by peoples’ misconceptions and lack of knowledge about sex. By providing a safe, comfortable place to discuss sexual topics, you’re helping people look at things in new ways and get new ideas.  I don’t agree with all the advice given in the posts and comments, but I think the vast majority of it is helpful.

…I thought it might be helpful to have a post about how to keep the excitement alive for those who have been married for many years.  That was a challenge for some of the people I’ve counseled with, and I think to some degree it is a challenge for all of us who have been married more than 10 or 15 years.

Thank you, Bishop. While the compliments and point of view are appreciated, let’s have the readers and commenters chime in with answers to the real question: How DO you keep the fire alive after being married 10 or 15 years- and beyond? I’m not qualified to answer this one, as my divorce happened at year 12, so I toss the ball to you all. Let’s hear it, everyone- What do you do?

the language of sex.

29 Aug
(warning. this post contains two instances of the *f* word.  They occur in the last half of the post.)

A little fact about me and my partner:  He and I really don’t have much in common.   Our interests, our styles, our work, the things we talk about, the things we like to do in our spare time….  we’re pretty different. Continue reading

Bodice Ripper Therapy

15 Aug
harlequin romance

harlequin romance

Hey ladies, guess what!?  Romance novels may lead to better sex for Mormon Women!

“Caroline Kline …who has master’s degree in classics from the University of California at Santa Barbara, conducted an informal survey of 40 LDS women, who were self-described romance devotees.

More than half (54 percent) said their marital relationships (75 percent were married) were strengthened because they were more sexually interested in their husbands when reading the novels, and 40 percent said that such books made their sex lives more fulfilling.”

How about you?  Are you a consumer of steamy reads? Want to weigh in on the subject? (And share some favorite titles while you are at it?)

 

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