Going Cowgirl

27 Dec

I used to not like being on top during sex.  I just didn’t seem to get as much pleasure from it as I did from other positions.  It also felt a little awkward–I didn’t know how to do it, how to move, whether to lean forward or back, whether my partner got enough pleasure if I wasn’t pumping up and down in a way that approximated his thrusting while we were in a position with him on top.  Also, I’m not exactly a small woman and I’d sometimes be self-conscious about that.  So I sometimes avoided sex with me on top and went for other positions that allowed me to relax a bit more.

I like being on top now.  A lot.  From the very beginning, I’ve felt completely comfortable with MM.  I’m sure this has something to do with being more comfortable with and accepting of myself than I ever have been before, but it also has to do with his wonderful capacity to just explore and discover who I am without imposing expectations.  And I think that has everything to do with my new-found taste for being on top.  I’ve stopped worrying about “doing it right” and instead have just let myself relax and enjoy it.  And I do. There’s nothing like a little cowgirl for getting the kind of deep penetration I love.  And, after an orgasm or two of my own, and getting him thoroughly worked up, it’s a great position in which to demand a little pleading for what he wants.*

And you? Do you enjoy a little cowgirl style sex (or a lot)?  Are there other positions you initially didn’t enjoy but have found yourself liking after trying them again?  What made the difference?

 

* For the record, I enjoy being the recipient of a little playful control as much as I enjoy exercising that same control.

29 Responses to “Going Cowgirl”

  1. wobsy December 27, 2011 at 6:07 pm #

    I like being underneath. I find that my hands being free is of benefit to both of us.
    Rob.

  2. Fanny A December 27, 2011 at 8:16 pm #

    Love being on top. A lot. A LOT. It has everything to do with my partner, too.

  3. Patty B. December 27, 2011 at 8:58 pm #

    hands free is certainly a nice benefit of woman on top, Rob.

    And Fanny, would you mind elaborating a little about what it has to do with your partner? Is it a trust and comfort level thing for you as it is with me?

  4. Sualah December 27, 2011 at 9:35 pm #

    On top, generally, doesn’t do much for me. I don’t think I’m quite where you are yet–I still worry about doing it right and how I “should” be moving and how I look and all that. Yes, yes, I shouldn’t worry about that–easier said than done, though! I’m working on it, though, because every once in a while, he’s hit just the right spot and wow. Wow

  5. Amber December 28, 2011 at 6:57 am #

    Like you, now that I’m comfortable in my own skin, being on top is amazing. There is something about being in control that leads to multiple orgasms, obviously an incredible experience.

    I would also recommend reverse cowgirl, if you haven’t tried it already.

  6. Patty B. December 28, 2011 at 8:33 am #

    Sualah, it *is* so much easier to say than to actually be more comfortable in one’s own skin and not worry about these things. I totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s not like I didn’t trust past partners or that I used to not like myself or be comfortable in who I am. It’s just that with time I’ve learned to let go a little more and, with the kind of simple trust and comfort I’ve found with MM, that’s been able to inform my sex life now in a way it hasn’t in the past. It’s really lovely. And yeah–when he hits that spot (and on top seems to make that happen so very nicely)–wow indeed.

    Amber, I’ll have to give reverse cowgirl another go. I haven’t tried it for a long time.

  7. handle with care December 28, 2011 at 12:09 pm #

    This will be interesting as we had this conversation only this morning…

    I think for me being on top leaves me feeling a little exposed and under protected,very primal,although I too love the access this affords my lover. Also allows me to be really exhibitionistic. I think I might like to keep it as part of playtime and invite my lover to flip me over and be a little rugged in finishing me off though,as I get a little freaked by a sense of his passivity. Interesting,huh,when you come to think about it.

    I’d love to hear how others conceptualise this and play with it-it does feel to me to be something about dominance and control.I love to cede control to my lover in bed as I tend to be the more assertive partner elsewhere. Nice to attempt a little balance.

  8. handle with care December 28, 2011 at 12:12 pm #

    Forgive me,but I do get a little freaked out by photos of actual people-I could meet you,and this is way too much info about a stranger for me. I’m a little hung up that way.

  9. KaralynZ December 28, 2011 at 5:28 pm #

    I think like most things practice is key. When we started out we always had trouble getting our rhythm in sync, as I recall. Reverse cowgirl is more trouble than it’s worth 90% of the time but front facing is always a winner.

  10. Katie December 30, 2011 at 7:54 pm #

    The problem is that you’re required to enter an email, so you have to use a fake one, or get a new email address just to use here, or use your regular email and have your gravatar show up, like mine is.

  11. Jordan Mendez January 1, 2012 at 8:37 pm #

    @handle with care,

    My wife is exactly the same way. Very assertive out of the bedroom, but in the bedroom she wants me in control so normally I’m on top. I’d be happy to have her move to the top position more often, but please know that you aren’t crazy or the only one who is like this.
    In the end, as long as the wife is happy, I’m happy.

  12. Nick January 2, 2012 at 12:41 pm #

    This is my first post her so bare with me. This is one of my favorite positions! It does give me free use of my hands and the view is killer whether it’s regular or reverse. My wife really likes the degree of control she gets and it really lets her get wild and crazy if she wants too and isn’t that what it’s about? Letting loose and enjoying each other?

  13. Single orgasm lady January 5, 2012 at 7:13 pm #

    “whether my partner got enough pleasure if I wasn’t pumping up and down in a way that approximated his thrusting while we were in a position with him on top.”

    Yes, can you elaborate on this? I’ve wondered the same thing.

    And the multiple orgasm thing….. how?! After I have an orgasm, my feelings kinda recede. I can have a really powerful one, but afterwards, I don’t want more heavy touching on my clit area.

    Then again, I can only have external orgasms, not internal ones. Is that the difference? How do you have an orgasm during intercourse? I would LOVE to have it happen, and my husband would be thrilled beyond belief, but it just hasn’t happened for us, and doesn’t seem like it will.

    Sigh.

  14. Single orgasm lady January 5, 2012 at 7:13 pm #

    Oh, but yes, I love cowgirl. I think it is fun and sexy and does feel good, even if it doesn’t bring me to orgasm.

  15. KaralynZ January 6, 2012 at 8:10 am #

    I had trouble with the multiple orgasm thing at first too. I think with orgasms there is almost a … learning curve? I know I had to learn how to cope with the really intense sensations and it took some time before I got used to having them. Like building up a tolerance for having all my brain cells and neurons overloaded. Sometimes you have to take a break and do something else before going back to whatever you were doing.

    As for orgasm during intercourse, this is one thing cowgirl position is great for because you can sit up and have him play with your clitoris while you’re riding him. And also for those of us who have somehow managed to find our G-spot, this is the only position that stimulates it for us that doesn’t also involve major discomfort on my part.

  16. Patty B. January 9, 2012 at 9:40 am #

    Single Orgasm Lady:

    I haven’t actually asked my partner about the necessity of approximating his thrusting while he’s on top. I just decided that when I’m on top, I get to do what feels good to me. He certainly doesn’t complain and seems to thoroughly enjoy these encounters. More often than not we end up in a different position in which he comes, so even if what i’m doing while on top isn’t enough to allow him to come, we’re still filling his needs.

    I think part of my previous failure to really enjoy being on top had to do with trying to really pump up and down in a movement that mimicked thrusting. It’s not easy to do. And it frankly didn’t feel that great to me. So I don’t make that a priority anymore.

    As far as multiple orgasms and orgasms during vaginal intercourse go, I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of advice. I would say that it’s important to let go and really thoroughly enjoy what pleasure you are experiencing (not saying you’re not, but sometimes the obvious needs restating). It’s fantastic that you’re having clitoral orgasms and I say enjoy them. If you’d like to explore having multiple orgasms, I’d suggest you experiment with what kind of touch after you’ve already had one orgasm feels good. You can do that as a couple, but it would probably also be helpful for you to explore it on your own via masturbation. I really don’t have much advice about experiencing orgasm because of vaginal intercourse without simultaneous clitoral stimulation; I’m just one of those women who does. When I’m comfortable and relaxed with my partner, it’s just part of my sexual experience. All I can say for sure is that deep penetration helps triggers that kind of orgasm for me, which is part of why being on top is good for me.

  17. Gwen January 20, 2012 at 5:56 pm #

    Definitely something that takes being comfortable in your own skin and a great position when you want to take charge.

  18. Jack Hutson February 2, 2012 at 8:38 am #

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    My name is Jack.

    I’m the author of a popular guide called “Jack’s Blowjob Lessons” ( you can Google it ), I ran into your blog and I believe that your readers might find my guide valuable.

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  19. Sharon February 13, 2012 at 9:34 pm #

    Any new topics soon?

  20. dm February 14, 2012 at 9:53 am #

    A fun topic would be “the first time”.

  21. Sharon February 17, 2012 at 8:32 pm #

    I like it! It could be first time while alone or with someone else? The first is actually more memorable for me!

  22. jules godson February 19, 2012 at 10:20 pm #

    One woman I knew laughed and confessed to her lover her first time on top, “Now of course I have no idea what to do!” Refreshing honesty, and her man (a decent fellow) was happy to work with her until she found her groove. I would assume that women would like control sometimes for the same reasons men do, especially if orgasm is the goal, but that they are more likely to confront body image and shyness issues with letting it all hang out or risking making a mistake. But men make plenty of mistakes (as women know too well).

    For men, the view from below is quite beautiful, and feeling of being desired, being taken, and of the woman losing control are stirring—one you’re used to it. :) If it’s often hard for a woman to be the active party, the same may be true of the man. Getting over inhibitions is both daunting and exciting, perhaps it’s best that we all start out with a few of them.

    It’s not necessarily easy for men to put themselves in women’s shoes (stirrups?) without communication. All men have a first time, too, likely with someone who didn’t know what they were doing, either. Men benefit from guidance, too.

    Good topic. I’m trying to write about these things and need … guidance.

  23. Dan February 21, 2012 at 8:07 am #

    First time? Interesting topic. OK, I’ll bite. I was 21 & less than a year removed from my mission when I married my wife now of 30 years. She was 37, divorced & had 3 kids at the time. I baptized them all & we have since had 2 of our own. She had been married several times before & had been sexually active for years, having been caught up in the 60’s free-love movement. I had never even french kissed or had an orgasm. Can’t get too different than that experience-wise. She blew my mind on our wedding night. She was dolled up like a Fredrick’s of Hollywood model with her hair swept up and bright cherry red lips & long red nails (that was the style then). Just the visuals about did me in. She first removed my clothes & proceeded to give me my first orgasm orally while massaging my prostrate with her fingernail. I nearly fainted. I had never masterbated so my first orgasm took about 20 seconds. She laughed & said she had never witnessed a man having such a powerful orgasm. She then straddled my face and showed me how to give her oral pleasure. After a couple of powerful orgasms on her part I was “ready” once again. She then laid on me & we had intercourse in her favorite position; woman on top swimming position. Her french kissing & the way she expertly moved drove me crazy while she talked “dirty” to me. I lasted about 15 minutes because she would expertly stop each time I started to have an orgasm. Sadly to say, this type of experience didn’t last for long. She quickly developed “Good Girl Syndrome” as she became more active in the church. Awell, at least I have the memories & we are still very much in love in spite of our now mismatched libidos.

  24. julesgodson February 22, 2012 at 8:55 am #

    @Sharon/dm: That is a good topic. I just stumbled on a “first orgasm” thread elsewhere ( http://4-ch.net/sexual/kareha.pl/1225034235/ ). It was interesting in parts, weird in others. The person raising the question was a woman who admitted hearing such stories was her fetish. I think the most universal reaction, after the surge, is surprise. I guess you can’t know what it is until you know what it is (the “so that’s what they’re talking about!” reaction). Too many of the stories revealed naivete about sexuality and the inappropriate situations children find themselves in. But most stories were fairly innocent. For one thing, apparently water jets have debuted quite a few women’s orgasmic lives.

  25. handle with care February 22, 2012 at 2:10 pm #

    Dan,do you and she talk about that? Sounds like you had a mistress of the art there. I wonder if she might enjoy thinking about the old days …

  26. DM March 1, 2012 at 7:23 pm #

    We have’t had a new topic since Dec 27. We’re waiting, we’re waiting, we’re waiting……….:)

  27. Sarah March 5, 2012 at 1:06 am #

    Damnit! Reading this is making me want to have sex, if I get moderated for this, so be it.

    I have to say that I do most certainly believe that talking about sex, makes the desire more there. And my tummy is hurting, so I don’t want to be too physical.

    Dang. *sigh*. We tried this position before, it was great to be on top, but I prefer him on top because of the intense amount of pleasure I get. And I don’t even call these positions by the names you are calling by them. I just say “I want you to be on top”.

    You know for somebody who struggled with compulsive masturbation maybe I should not read this site. I just am fascinated by the openness of the conversation, that doesn’t sound all dirty.

  28. KaralynZ March 5, 2012 at 8:21 am #

    Yeah we don’t say position names either. It’s a good way to remove yourself a degree from the equation when you’re talking about sex with a third party (or a message board full of third parties.)

  29. jules godson March 5, 2012 at 8:52 am #

    @Sarah: Anonymity is liberating, eh? And being embarrassed may be a sort of opportunity. Busting inhibitions is very erotic. C’mon, spill the beans even if it arouses you, lol. As for positions, it’s great to use several in a session, right? Start out on top, turn after a while, get tired, roll over or back, all without disengaging, etc. (I’m not sure how detailed to be without being annoying!) It’s like cooking, the creativity comes from combining different ingredients in new ways. Most people don’t want mac & cheese every night.

    @KaralynZ: Yeah, asking for “cowgirl” would be kind of stilted. I only learned it a few years ago. Neither of us gives any position directions much beyond “turn over.” I complained elsewhere about the name “doggie style” – imagine saying that in bed. Bad idea. But what a great thing to do. How often do people plan out what they’re going to do ahead of time?

    As for removing oneself “from the equation,” hmm I didn’t think of that. I speak in code in front of people I *do* know. A label does capture what the writer is saying faster than a detailed description or “Kamasutra #32.” (I’ve never read it, the long list of positions thing is boring, and the little things are sexy.) For a polite and geeky comic strip chuckle (never take this stuff too seriously!), check out http://xkcd.com/414/ or https://xkcd.com/487/

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